February 10, 2008

I'm writing this evening from Stamford, CT. I came to speak and to work on a recording (which is how I make a living). My life has a lot of travel in it. You know this because I drag you along. I'm sure in many ways this probably seems exotic and interesting. Tonight I'm feeling like writing about the other side.

I'm lonely this evening for my home, my bed, my wife. Traveling like we do in ministry is not all glamorous. Quite the contrary. At times cities begin to look alike and I can guarantee you that hotel rooms blur together. There are many times that Jill and I are in different cities where neither are Nashville.

Following our hearts and advancing a calling is not always easy and for some reason I felt like I should share reality with you. I am not a special person. Nothing about me is more dramatic than you. Because I read the Daily Audio Bible to you every day certainly does not give me a leg up with God over anyone. If anything carrying this "supplamental" pastoral calling on my life makes me a target. The beauty in all of this is I know who my Father is. The canopy of prayer you all raise over me each day more than sustains me. I feel that connection. As strange as it might seem, it makes me feel less alone this evening.

I didn't share these thoughts to solicit pity. I'd hate it if that's how I've come off. I'm being honest with you. So many of the emails and calls I get tell me how God is using the DAB and how I've become a bit of a role model. I truly appreciate that. It certainly makes me feel good but the reality is that if that's what I've become then authenticity dictates that I tell you that I have nothing to offer that you don't have in yourself. Jesus came to rescue each of our hearts and we in turn carry a mandate forward to bring the Kingdom. This isn't a suggestion. We have to do it and that means doing whatever it takes to carry our part of it forward. We're all normal people here. We each have a role to play and none of us could carry on without community. So I sit here in my hotel writing you because it makes me feel connected. In the end, no amount of sacrifice or reorientation or disruption is so great that we are allowed to choose to disobey what God has placed in our hearts. It doesn't matter what people think of us, say about us or even believe of us. We belong to Christ and His grace gives us what we need to move forward even if moving forward means standing still and waiting for Him to move. We're all in this together.

Onward Comrades,

Brian