Praise

The goodness of God takes many shapes and forms.
As some of you know, I have an inherited kidney disease.... otherwise, I am quite healthy. But this past year my kidney function has gone down to about 10%, so I am looking at dialysis soon, and am on the transplant list. But I'll tell you, I feel very weak, slow and discouraged this dark, long Alaskan winter.

Here is something I wrote on another forum, regarding "Faith".

"This thread caught my eye..... and I have scanned through it. I am really having difficulty keeping up with the long threads and discussions at this time. My health is such that I just can't stay focused for long periods. Hopefully I can make it through this post, and hopefully it will actually be on topic.

My first bible, that I loved, and honestly, probably worshipped above God Himself, ended up having the binding broken at Hebrews 11. And people would call me a "woman of faith"...... but I think I am only starting to get it, a tiny bit. I really think I was way off, with the formulas, straining and wishful expectations. I just read that chapter again in the Message: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=MSG It sure comes across from the heart here, rather than a making something out of nothing by our own determination.

This kidney disease has been a struggle for me this last year, giving up a lot of health, energy, and really, looking at just how much control over my life I DON'T have. So, in the letting go..... I have come to learn that it's trusting Him.... but not having all of the details. Not my tomorrows all figured out, or for that matter, really even my yesterdays. "The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see." (Message)
That's a lot different than "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (NIV) Well, what I hope for, what I would LIKE, is completely healed, a new set of kidneys. So, should I have FAITH for that? Or should I have faith in God, Who is with me, Who loves me...... and follow Him. Following my expectations and wants, well, just didn't pan out at all. Been there, done that..... and got rid of the t shirt already.

Gosh, what a mindset though, that we have been taught to conjure up, set our minds on..... and to let that go and follow God, who we do NOT see, to where we do not see.... we have to be sure of Him, not what, when and where.

I wish that I could 'splain myself better, but as I was driving to my doctor appointment yesterday, the one I have been dreading for months, where we where planning on making arrangements for dialysis...... I realized that dread was a choice I had made, and it wasn't following Him. So, somehow, something clicked, and I chose to follow Him, and trust Him.... not knowing the outcome. As it turns out, for some reason, my numbers went down, instead of up..... which isn't really common in kidney failure. I don't know what that means, and I don't know what to expect, but today, I am thankful."

Ok, so that was written on Thursday, and Friday morning I got a private message from a woman that I have only known for a year or two on the forum. She is offering me a kidney!!!!!! I can't tell you how amazing that feels to have someone reach out like that. I don't know what the chances are that she will be a match, or even if she will check out and be able to give me a kidney. There is the possibility that if she isn't a match, we could match up with someone else who has a donor that they also don't match, and they could switch us over and do a 4 way transplant. I don't know. But what I DO know.... is that I have been hearing a small, steady voice telling me (not in a condemning way) that I don't know it all, and that He does, and I can trust Him. I have been hearing Him say "one day at a time" and that He is only here in today for us, not tomorrow, not yesterday.

I hope this is a blessing to someone here..... who is struggling with faith. It's not wishful thinking, or hoping for some of our expectations.... Faith is something that God Himself works in us.... as we let go of a LOT and take hold of Him, as simple as a little child.

Blessings to you all.

Heather
Heather Sterling 04/03/2010 16:26

Replies:
eric marshall 04/05/2010 03:35
thanks for this, I needed it
tara 04/05/2010 08:03
That's pretty amazing, Heather.
Denise Ely 04/06/2010 20:32
I agree!
Kelley 04/16/2010 23:35
Heather I always get so much from the things you share, your words just spill from your life, and your precious walk with Him. I am so glad to see you here today and this word just resonates so deeply with me right now!.. that faith is about HIM. Such a beautiful precious simple thing. How do we miss it?