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Need Encouragement?
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Hard Heart
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Please pray that God will soften my heart. Abuse in my childhood has caused me to have a very hard heart towards the institution of marriage. I want to be married but I can not say I would know how to. I am sad to say I have become a commitment-phobe. My children are suffering because of this. I need deliverance from this and would love for you to come in agreement with me on freedom from a hard heart. God Bless You.
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Erika 06/04/2010 00:15 |
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deborah
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06/05/2010 10:23 |
Erika I will pray for you in this. I understand completely. I suffered abuse at the hands of men since my mid teens. That would be over 40 years of physical, sexual, mental, and/or emotional abuse. And I will tell you that being married neither caused it nor prevented it. While I have been in both married and unmarried relationships with men, I have suffered equally in both. Whether it was beatings, rape, manipulation, attempts on my life, degredation, emotional extortion, or passive agrressive behavior I was subject to, my marital status had nothing to do with it. It was all about the type of man I subconsciously continued to partner with. I witnessed horrific abuse between my parents my entire childhood and I unknowingly sought to replicate that in my adult life. I patterned my life after my parents. It was MY problem, not the result of any commitment or non-commitment I made. I realized this one day after reading the book, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. It changed my life by giving me the strength and insight to NOT pursue the wrong type of man, but I was still afraid of committment.
I am currently married. I refused to marry my husband for 13 years out of this very fear of commitment. We lived together during that time. He never laid a hand on me. I called him "the man that lives in my house." I could not commit more than that. Every time he asked me to marry him I would refuse. No way would I marry and jinx this non-relationship with my "roommate."
One day after I had been deep in prayer and fasting, God spoke to my heart. He said we could not continue to lives like this and yet glorify Him. I had to make a choice. So I spoke to my "roommate" and we agreed to get married. I had to. God told me to make that choice, the same we all must make whether to live righteously for Him or in sin. How could I say no to HIM?!? He's GOD for crying out loud!
So I agreed, and we got married - with me kicking and screaming bloody murder all the way. I decided to trust God to make it all work out. I just had to obey, right?
During that first year my husband began drinking heavily. The verbal and emotional abuse was horrific. I couldn't believe it. See I said! Marriage ruins everything! But I kept trusting and praying to God - after all He told us to get married so He had to fix it, It would all work out, right?
Imagine my surprise when a week after our first wedding anniversary I discovered that my husband was cheating on me! He had actually created a double life and for the last four months had also been with another woman using a different first name, a life in which he as not married to me! I didn't exist! I was devistated.
We separated and were getting a divorce when I suffered a personal tragedy in which I almost died. It was at that time that God interveined and fulfilled His promise. As a result of the attack on my life at the hand of my own son, we reconciled. During this past year, God has changed my husband and turned this marriage on its ear. I am happy to be married. My husband has truly given His life and our marriage to Christ, and I see Him being santified by fire daily. It's been really hard to watch Him suffer and grow in Christ through his trials but it is a beautiful thing somehow. It is a privilege to see the Holy Spirit take something so painful and ugly and turn it to fulfillment and joy. Now I pray for a godly husband to lead our household and God is delivering. How beautiful tonseenit materialize a luttle at a time. This is all I have ever wanted in a relationship. I NEVER thought I would see it.
It's still hard at times but now I see His hand in it all. It was never about the man or te relationship. It was always about putting God in the center of all circumstances no matter what and trusting Him to fulfil His promises even when it looks like He's turned His back. It's about God always being good no matter what happens in your life. No matter what.
Well I hadn't intended to write all this. I hadn't intended to even read this thread but God lead me here and here it is. I don't know if any of it speaks to your situation, but one thing rings true - follow God's will for your life whether you understand it or not, whether you believe it or not. Just follow and obey Him. When you do, He takes over and makes things right. It may not happen overnight or be a piece of cake along the way, but when He is in control, all things work together for good for those that are called to His purpose.
Pray and ask Him for guidance. Ask Him to show you what you must do. When He does, there will be no doubt it is from Him. Then let go of your fears and trust in His goodness and perfect love for you. I pray for your peace of mind, for trust in Him, and ghat the love of Christ banishes all your fears.
"I prayed to the Lord and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4
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Erika
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06/05/2010 15:40 |
Thank Mod Deb for your testimony. It helps more than you know, but I have a question for you. How do you know when God tells you to move oppose to it being your own wants? I have a hard time telling the difference.
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deborah
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06/05/2010 21:00 |
I'm glad my experiences can help. It's something I hear inside me and just know. I always have a sense of peace when I know it is Him. I may not like it but that's besides the point. If I cannot feel that peace and am confused then I do not act. It must also match scripture which in this case it did. I have to be very careful that my dislike for something God
asks of me doesn't color my judgement.
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Kelley
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06/05/2010 23:04 |
Wow Deb, hug! This is an amazing testimony. And Erika, I will pray for you as well. I worry about being a commitment-phobe too, and I don't think it is because my heart is hard, I think it is because my heart is soft, I don't trust my own judgement about things. I have gotten myself in way too much trouble, and it's hard to trust once your heart has been thoroughly broken. I guess I am saying, don't make harsh judgements about yourself, just let God lead, ask for wisdom from people walking with you. I had a recent thread going here on DAB asking for the input of other believers here, and was daily in tears for awhile at the wisdom and grace that was freely shared with me. It made a huge difference in coming to some sort of clarity about what was going on with me and what God was asking from me. Use the people God puts in your life, they can so often see things you don't.
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Davidwayne Lackey
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06/06/2010 00:35 |
Praying
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Helga
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06/06/2010 00:56 |
Erika I think we all are on a journey. God picks us up where we are and He made you aware of His kindness and gentleness. I think we all need Him so desperately all the time. Deb your testimony is so powerful and inspiring for all of us. God is amazing and changes everything.
Lord Jesus thank you for your work in Erika's life. Thank you that you open her eyes that she is able to see Your purpose in her life. Thank you for the wisdom you give her and thank you that you love each one of us wherever we are.
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Joyce
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06/07/2010 17:07 |
wow Deb you have just told the story of my last marriage over 14 years ago except for the ending. Thanks for your honest testimony. Erika I have never really thought about being fearful fo commitment. I have just honestly so shut that part of my being down. Others in my life will often ask me why I don't date "you have so much to offer someone etc.) I always walk away from such discussions dazed. I don't trust myself in relationships--I tend to be a little soft hearted in that arena--however now I'm beginning to think maybe I have become hard hearted. Oh but thank you Father that you give us women who have been so deeply hurt a safe place to rest, at Your feet to be refreshed, to climb up on your lap and be held by You. I will so definitely pray for you.
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