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Need Encouragement?
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Feeling sorry for myself
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I don't know. I just can't stop crying since yesterday. Who knew I could have so many tears? I'm just so hurt by so many things and then was left behind for Christmas Eve service that I thought was all set and I had gifts ready for my friend's kids and wanted to go. Now I'm just all alone again, like every other day of my life, having lost too much this year... and just feeling that I'm rejected even by God.
I couldn't take any more pain after yesterday and now just want to give up completely. Even here I don't expect much because everyone seems to have someone to be with and I can't even get a ride to church. Why what others have should matter I don't know, but I hate that I'm starting to feel angry at everyone who has something I wish I had - those who know they are loved when I don't have anyone showing me that anymore.
The only Christmas invite I have is from strangers from my church who randomly saw I was alone. So that's where I'll be because my family doesn't want me for the first year ever and none of my friends have it in their hearts to open themselves up to me.
I just hate feeling this way. Hate feeling like all I get is rejection. Hate being so isolated because I'm on disability and so don't even see people at work. I had started to believe in myself and make connections. Now I just feel like they'll just lead to more rejection.
I'm just ready to give up trying, hoping, believing. I just don't want to feel so alone anymore. I don't want to hurt so much. I want the tears to stop.
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feistykat 12/24/2010 22:49 |
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Mary Santiaguel
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12/25/2010 05:39 |
i believe the only solution to your problem is surrender it all to God he is waiting for you to entrust him everything you are feeling, don't think that no one likes you or even feeling rejected, remember God has promised though your mother or father will leave you but the Lord will stay with you forever. And think of this the moment you stop trying, hoping and believing that is the time you are implying you don't want the blessings of God coming into your life so please do not be sad and anxious God is waiting for you to voice out your feeling. God is alive and He knows your pain :)
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Jake Van Horn
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12/25/2010 06:49 |
Merry Christmas Kat. I want you to know that my heart breaks for how you are feeling right now. Kat, you are never alone and you are part of something, you are part of the body of Christ, you are part of the DAB family and, and you are loved! Jesus Christ came in to this world for you personally Kat and He will never leave you. People will fail you at every turn but in Jesus Christ you will find everything that is good, right and true. Christmas can be such a difficult time. There are so many preconceived ideas of what Christmas should look like and when you find your self alone it can feel like the ultimate rejection.
Despite all of this there is good news. What we are celebrating to day is the fact that Jesus Christ came into this world and through Him we find Eternal life. Jesus Christ destroyed death! He said "it is finished" and soon he will make all things new. He will wipe every tear and we will be with Him forever. Now if there was ever anything worth celebrating this is it. Don't give up Kat, don't stop believing. Just know that Jesus has all of this under control. I'm praying for you Kat, Right now.
2 Timothy 1:9-10 He has saved us and called us to a holy life-not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, Who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the Gospel.
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Calico
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12/25/2010 08:42 |
Kat:
I hear your hurt, and feel it too. Many, MANY here do.
I know you're Canadian (me too), I read that in one of your previous posts, so I would ask you to call me, please, directly, either 519-432-7513, or 519-670-8832. I am serious about this, Kat. Let an ear be your outlet.
'Nuff zed.
Hugs, and hopes,
Tom
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Davidwayne Lackey
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12/27/2010 19:59 |
Kat, Jesus knows rejection. Jesus knows the pain of being snubbed. Jesus has known more pain than anyone who has ever lived or ever will. Jesus knows your pain.
In the end when Jesus welcomes you into His arms in the life to come, that is what truly matters. You don't want to give up on Jesus because of the failings of people. It is their failings you should feel sorry for, not for yourself. Forgive them and pray for them with a full heart and God will bless you with a family far greater than your wildest dreams. Then you will have communion with God through Jesus from whom all blessings flow. Give it all to Him and you will never be alone.
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feistykat
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12/30/2010 04:18 |
I just wanted to say thank you all for your kind replies. It's the middle of the night here, but as I've been lying here sleepless, listening to the DAB (I started listening awhile ago, but since I like to start things at the beginning, I started listening to the 2009 readings as I'm trying to sleep.... often listening to several per night, although drifting off at times). It's actually been helpful with my insomnia since I have something in the background which is encouraging and keeps my mind from wandering to stressful things that will just keep me up longer. I plan to continue this in the new year, as well as listening to the daily podcast during the day when I am able to meditate on it.... I don't want the association that the bible puts me to sleep!
Anyhow, I was listening tonight and got this strong sense that I should come to this website and read these responses. I had read them before, but not with an open heart, so they were just words on a page that really didn't mean much to me. However tonight (this morning??) I was able to take in the messages and be encouraged.
I don't want to give up.... I'm just terrified of so many things (and yes, I do know how the message "do not fear" is a pretty big theme in the bible and need to be studying that more and praying about it more because it's what keeps me from being able to do so much that God asks of me)
I'm grateful for all of you and the kindness you've shown.... who knew when I downloaded a podcast that was reading the scriptures in a year that I had actually downloaded a ready made community that was already waiting for me to finally take that step and reach out.
I was just looking for a way to make the bible seem less daunting and find a way to commit to spending time with scripture every day, and God provided me with something so much bigger than I never would have imagined.
As much as I often believe (or try to convince myself) that He's abandoned me or that He was never in my life, He keeps showing up in pretty convincing ways. No matter how hard I try to push Him away (and I do try hard at times, as I tend to do with anyone who tries to get too close), He always finds a way to nudge me back in gentle ways (and sometimes not so gentle).... I just need to find a way to not let the fear that makes me push Him away and try to run as far as I can control me so I can remain steady in my faith and let His love keep chipping away at the stone that's build around my heart.
~Kat
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Estrellita
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12/30/2010 12:50 |
Happy New Year Kat, in the LORD!
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Sharilynbuckmaster
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12/30/2010 19:30 |
Hi Kat,
God has a plan for your life Kat. Jeremiah 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
I was encouraged when you said, "I had started to believe in myself and make connections." You can just take a look at what you did there, and look at that as a resource. If you did it there, you can do it again. Take that resource, and do it again, believe in yourself, make connections with other people, and keep building relationships with the people that you have already connected with. Show people that you care about them and listen to them. You can do that here in DAB Kat. Hang out in the Chat room and make some friends. We love you and care about you Kat, but even more important is the fact that the Lord loves you and cares about you. His Love for you is infinite. It is beyond our ability to understand Love.
John 3:16 says:
16 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.
Keep listening to the DAB, keep coming back and making friends here. keep studying your Bible and spending time with the Lord, keep bringing Him your pain, and let Him carry all of your burdens. We give Him our pain, and He gives us His beauty, His Love, Peace and Joy.
I care about you and want to be your friend. I look forward to getting to know you better.
Deut. 32:4
4 He is the Rock; his deeds are perfect.
Everything he does is just and fair.
He is a faithful God who does no wrong;
how just and upright he is!
Jesus is your Rock. He is always faithful and fair. Those who seek Him, will find Him.
Blessings,
Sharilyn
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Tom B
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12/30/2010 20:35 |
Amen!
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Tom B
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01/01/2011 14:46 |
Kat, I'm praying that you are seeing and feeling our Lord close to you today. Happy 2011 to you.
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