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Need Encouragement?
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Discouraged over marriage!
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Hi all, I am coming here because I am so discouraged. My husband and I are in a difficult place in our marriage. Its a long story but basically, we've been married a little over 12 yrs and I am sorry to say that I have spent the majority of those years "nagging" and just being annoying. I thought that I was just trying to help him, care for him and love him, but almost like a brick wall it hit me that i had been pushing him away all those years with those actions. I built wall between us. now, he has finally gotten to the place where he seems fed up, and doesn't really want much to do with me. we will have cordial normal ...everyday conversations, but most of the time he is negative and critical toward me; toward things i say and things I do..or the way I do them. I feel that theres not much I can do right any more. I know, damage is done I've made my bed and now i have to lay in it. But it hurts so bad. I love him so much. I am trying so hard to change my past behaviors and be loving and encouraging toward him which that parts not too hard, it the discouragement and cold shoulder i get in return. I know i should give with out expecting anything in return, but it hurts. my heart is breaking.
SJ
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SJforJesus 05/09/2011 05:39 |
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Peter
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05/09/2011 06:56 |
SJ, I feel your pain. My marriage too is in disarray because of how I have acted. I've been thinking lately about a book I heard about years ago called "The Five Love Languages" (or something like that). The concept here is that we all express love in different ways. What you saw as an expression of love, he received as nagging. I have the same problem (not communicating love effectively). It may be that if you discover his "love language" you may be able to show him your love, and with God's grace it may start to tear the wall down. I will be praying for you!
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Jake Van Horn
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05/10/2011 02:04 |
Praying for you and your husband, SJ.
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Tom B
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05/10/2011 06:23 |
Praying for you and your husband Sara Jane.
--Tom
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Davidwayne Lackey
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05/11/2011 00:06 |
Praying for you SJ. Have patience, it took 12 years to make the problem. It will take time to cure . Remain in the love of The Lord. Be steadfast in resolve to love your husband. Pray without ceasing and know The Lord will work wonders in your husband's heart.
Peter has a good point too. We men have our own love language. The vast majority of us men equate respect with love. If the man does not feel respected he does not feel loved. The first brick in the wall that needs to be removed is lack of respect. To a man a nag shows no respect, only scorn, therefore no love for him.
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Servant-Ken
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05/18/2011 12:46 |
SJ,
I will be praying for you as I know the importance of a good marriage. Recently I have listened to messages from Gateway Church in Austin, discussing marriage relationship. Called Emotional Rollercoaster, the past two messages have been very insightful. You can find them here http://www.gatewaychurch.com/podcast (I have no affiliation with the church).
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Helga
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05/26/2011 23:23 |
SJ I understand how you feel and do not give up hope. This reminds me of the sermons I have listened to by Joyce Meyer. She used to ask God to change her husband but in the meantime God needed to change her. You have to learn to understand how men's minds work and the thing is it is never too late to change. Ask God to help you in this and let God heal your frustrations.
There is so much information in the world and the "Five Love Languages" are one of them........
I pray for you and your husband........
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Tom B
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06/05/2011 07:16 |
I am praying for you folks today. SJ, I pray that your marriage will be blessed.
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CharlieP
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06/10/2011 16:52 |
I pray that the Lord will give you strength, being young I'm not married yet, but I still want to pray for you, I've seen one of my best friends parents split up, and it was and is still rather messy. Stay strong in the Lord, He never lets go of you.
Hope this helped
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