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Need Encouragement?

Finding my way home
I haven't made a lot of posts on here and don't really know anyone but feel like I want to ask for prayers and encouragement. After pushing God away and resisting any faith for almost 2 years, I am trying to find my way home. The road is rocky and narrow and I have no idea if I am doing the right things to get there but I am trying. I have been a believer for 11 years. Up until Jan 2010 I had been a member of the same church the entire time. But through the course of 2009, some things happened that led me to see those people did not accept me and love for who I am. I had been good friends with and dating a single guy who is a well known and loved member of the church. He played in the worship band and everyone loved him. When I broke up with him, I became the black sheep of the church. Apparently, there was absolutely nothing he could have done to contribute to the breakup so it must have been me just not seeing how awesome and amazing he was. In truth, there is a reason he is 45 and single. He's a very nice and caring guy, but also very smothering and controlling. Which just wasn't for me. I also had a fight with another friend in Dec of 2009 which was the final straw and let me to leave the church. And in 2 years time, not one single person ever reached out to ask where I was, if I was ok or why I wasn't coming anymore.

For a couple of months, I traveled 50 miles to Omaha to an amazing church that I wish I could be a regular member of; unfortunately, it's not feasible to make the drive every weekend. So I just quit going altogether. During that time is when I discovered the DAB and have listened through every day in 2010 and 2011. I was no longer praying or spending any time reading my bible so this was my only link to God. I believe this link is what kept His word alive in my heart and wouldn't allow me totally turn my back on Him.

I've been able to tell this entire time that Christ has not given up on me. I have had some opportunities this past year to see how black my heart becomes without Him, and just how selfish I can really be. And I don't like it, but have no power to change it on my own. I am now looking for a new church home, and believe that I have found one. I am trying to find my relationship with Christ again and make it a priority. I struggle though, because I just don't think I know the right things to do. I struggle with prayer- if I am saying the right things, getting distracted, or even how to do it. I don't spend as much time in the Word as I should, I get lazy and just watch TV instead. I constantly feel like I don't know the right things to do to have a truly intimate relationship with Jesus but I want more than anything to really love Him with all my heart and be able to accept who I am in Him.
RaceGirl 11/05/2011 17:44

Replies:
Tammy 11/05/2011 20:23
Lord,
Give strength and encouragement to RaceGirl. Help her to make the right choices. Help her to rely on the fact that a relationship with God is more important that following a set of rules, and that You love her and want her to have that relationship with You. Lord, help her pray, and help her seek Your face. Help her fall in love with You.
In Jesus's name, Amen

If you are truly seeking God, you can't do it wrong. God doesn't care HOW you start the process. He just doesn't want you to give up. Don't give up. There is no formula to prayer. There are more effective ways to pray, but He will show you how if you ask Him. And if You don't do it just right in Your eyes at first, it doesn't matter. HE LOVES YOU! God is madly in love with you, RaceGirl, and He just wants that relationship with you. You are being distracted because you are doing the right thing, and Satan doesn't want you to have that joy and peace that you can have when you are in a right relationship with God. It brings me great joy to see anyone come back to God. I will continue to pray with you!
RaceGirl 11/05/2011 20:43
Thank you!! I think sometimes I get hung up on the right vs wrong way because of my Catholic upbringing. The church/dioceses I was raised in made it very clear there was a right and wrong way to do things and it was all about the rules. So I often find myself thinking there must be a correct prayer formula God is looking for.
Davidwayne Lackey 11/05/2011 20:48
RaceGirl, I remember you. Glad to see you post again. Your story reminds me of so many who have joined DAB. You never really know who your friends are until there is a reason for those around you to show one way or another whether or not they feel anything for you. It is a heart break most everyone has to come face to face with sooner or later. My daughters former Church was the same way with her. All so friendly till there is a disagreement with someone who is popular then shunned by all. After about 10 years the true colors of the congregation finally showed through and it was not pretty. She had no idea how petty these people really were. The Lord eventually sent her to a Church where the vast majority are true authentic lovers and followers of Jesus. I'm sure this will happen for you too in The Lords timing.

There is no single perfect way to pray. God is a very personal God. The way you talk to Him is not a script you follow but a pouring out of what is on your heart and mind. There is no right way we are capable of. That is why The Holy Spirit utters grumblings for us for we know not how. Prayer is communication so just talk to Him like any child who talks to their parents, boldly and unabashed. It is written for us to come boldly in just this way. You need not worry whether or not you have done it right, only that you do. Stay in the Word and Pray unceasingly and the rest will follow. Jesus said draw nigh unto me and I will draw night unto you. The more you want to be with Jesus the more He will want to be with you. And Jesus is the good shepherd who always does what He says He will do.
Helga 11/05/2011 23:29
RaceGirl I agree with above comments and so happy that you have posted again. Praying for you.
susanst53 11/06/2011 01:35
RaceGirl - so can relate to your story. I too was raised Catholic - never studied the Bible like I should have. blessings to you for staying here and for having the courage to post your situation. I have been a member of the DAB since 2008. This is a great family - and spirit filled. there are people here that are absolute blessings and are led by the spirit of God and they will touch your heart and heal your soul. I have had such beautiful people - and met some! I see and feel Christ in these people and most of all the love of the spirit through them. when you heal, the next great step for you will be in your healing others - when you start to share what you learn, and the spirit leads you, you too will be able to reach out and love others. We are here for you on your journey. We love you.
RaceGirl 11/06/2011 07:23
Thanks new friends! I was away from posting here most of this year due to circumstances with work. I have a full time job and a part time job and was also working about 15 hours of overtime for the full time job. Literally all I was doing was working and sleeping. Aghh!!

It's interesting to me how easy it is to let things get in our way. Just last night, I decided to go up to bed and read my bible for awhile. My neighbors had music on so loud I could barely hear my TV and I can't hear the music on the other side of the house where my bedroom is. So I get up there, thinking I have a good hour or 2 to just read. And I end up spending the entire time playing Words with Friends and Angry Birds on my iPhone. 2 hours just wasted on mindless games. I love today's technology but I for one have a hard time putting down the phone and focusing on something else. And so it goes...if it's not the phone, it's the laptop, or the TV... something always seems to want to steal my attention.
RaceGirl 11/06/2011 11:27
I just got home from church and had to come share. I was so blessed today to run into a family from my former church who are now members of my new one. They don't normally go to the service I was in, but due to a special event they were there. Somehow I don't think this was just a coincidence. I was able chat with all of them for awhile and made plans to come to 2nd service next weekend and sit with them. One of them also teaches a Sunday morning class that I may check out. They also promised to introduce me to new people. I have been wondering how I could best get involved here and this was such a blessing to me today. It's so wonderful to already have an established connection with someone :)
Davidwayne Lackey 11/06/2011 18:10
Yay!
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