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Need Encouragement?
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Feeling resentment towards my kids, house, my cats, oh my!
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To make a long story short I got my girlfriend pregnant 19 years ago but did the right thing and married her. I was truly blessed with my daughter, now a freshman in college, and was also blessed with twins who are juniors in high school. My marriage was good for awhile, and we were all one big happy family. In 2001, though, my wife filed for divorce and immediately moved in with another man. I was crushed, mainly because I would not be able to see my kids every day. When the divorce was finalized in 2003 I made the commitment to be the best father I could be, and have stayed in the area ever since. When the kids were younger and couldn't drive things were fine. I saw them quite a bit, and one of the twins actually lived with me full time to attend 8th, 9th and 10th grade in my district. A lot has changed in the past 6 months. My oldest in now in college and lives 2 hours away. My daughter who did live with me decided to move back home with mom, but also attend a great high school in the next district over. Though everything is fantastic with the kids, I have come to realize that I am a complete mess. I have spent the last 19 years living 100% for my children and nothing else. Though the community I live in is nice, it's not even home. My dream since I was a child was to live and work at a ski resort in the Rocky Mountains. It's where I was headed 19 years ago when i got the call that my girlfriend was pregnant. A miracle, and a true gift from God! My kids were meant to be and I am so blessed! But I am at the point now where I look at my kids and think to myself "2 more years and I am out of here". I look at my house and say "once I sell this place I am out of here and heading west!" I even look at my 14 year old cats and think "when are you going to die?? I can't take you with me!" And those cats give me peace, they are so wonderful. So what is going on with me? Why can't I appreciate the life I have and why must I live so much for the future? It's not healthy. Yes, I have this dream, and it is unfulfilled, and would do anything short of renouncing Jesus Christ to obtain it. Literally. Just like when Jesus said to the rich man "give up everything and follow me". I am that committed. But the timing, right now, isn't right. I must finish certain things that I have started, and have commitments. But I am miserable. I just want to ski everyday, work hard, and live a simple life in the mountains. Any words of encouragement or guidance would be greatly appreciated.
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CHRIS 09/19/2012 19:30 |
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Helga
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09/20/2012 22:39 |
Chris, I really understand how you feel. The hardest thing is when you in a situation where your inner desire is not filled. God intended for you to be happy and not so frustrated. I pray that God will give you the opportunity to make a change and that He will guide you in such a Way that you are able to do what you are dreaming off.
Do not be miserable now, rather make plans to make a change. Fix your house, so that you are able to sell it once you want to move and find out how to stay in the mountains and maintain a simple life. Remember pray the dead situation into existence.
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Troy Nutter
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11/28/2012 04:23 |
2 months later i'd love to hear if/how things have changed in your heart/situation Chris.
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CHRIS
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12/14/2012 10:19 |
Troy - I am happy to report that things have changed for the better, at least spiritually. To make a long story short, I have learned to be content. When I say content, I do not mean "this is my lot in life, and I just need to live with it". What I have been working on is putting my faith in the lord and trying to apply the principles I learn every day on the DAB podcast. I have learned that though I have a lot of work to do to achieve my goal, it's OK! I have accepted the fact that though I have a mountain in front of me that needs to be climbed (pun intended :) the end is in site. Through the scriptures, I have truly embraced the fact that in the end, regardless of the outcome, everything will be alright and I will be happy because of my daily relationship with Christ and God. And you know what? It works. Brian has talked about this many times. When you put your relationship with Christ first in your life, and try your best to have a "posture" that reflects Christ, life just clicks. Yes, there are days when I stumble, but the key is to acknowledge the stumble to Christ, brush yourself off, and pick up where you left off. So to answer your question Troy, I just needed to get my head right with God, find some perspective, priorities and get to work! And relax :) Thanks for following up
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Helga
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12/14/2012 21:19 |
Happy for you Chris and as you said, with Christ everything is possible
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