March 22, 2009

It never stops. We think it does. We think we can arrange for some hidden time. Time where nothing can happen. Where we're in a cocoon but (at least for me) those times are more of a surprise rather than something I'd arranged for. I'm waiting for Jill to get in from Atlanta. She should be back soon. I was planning to sleep in today. To play hooky from church and rest. As I was on my way to bed at 2 this morning I felt the Holy Spirit pressing me hard that I wasn't going to do that at all. I fell asleep saying, "OK Jesus if this is You then wake me up." Silly I know but I was up and in the shower at the appropriate time.

I wear contacts. Somehow I ragged my right eye really hard yesterday. When I got up this morning my eye was puffy and terribly sore. I have to wear the hard contacts. The ones that have a tendency to be like sandpaper. Yeah. Yuck. So I'm sitting on the edge of the bed going, "Jesus there is nothing I would like more than to fall back into the covers and sleep. Can't you send me a dream or something?" Nada. So I got up and went sans one of my contacts. I felt like the one eyed cyclops during worship and the message. Why am I here God? Why did you drag me here?

A worship song is playing in the background as I write this. I've gotten in the habit of leaving worship music running in my house all through the night. A sort of act of consecration I guess. It's been running all day today as well because I can't do much with one eye. "I am no longer my own, " Misty sings, "I'm Your garden." Oh so that's it. It's not about me. Hm-mm. Why do I always assume it's all about me?

I sat next to an African American woman at church today. I don't know her. I've never met her. At the end of service she told me thank you for reading the Bible to her every day. So even when it's about me it's not about me is it? I went to church today to show my sons that I will be faithful. I went today to encourage this woman in her faith. I went today to beat my body into submission. I went today to be a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God which is my reasonable service. OK. I get it. This is what it looks like to obey when there is no reason to. This is what it's like to honor God when there is no apparent gain to myself. This is what it's like to stand up and do the right thing no matter whose watching.

I'm no longer my own. I'm Your garden.

Onward Comrades,