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September 2010 - Which Way Do I Go?
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Transcripts Available?
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These are truly awesome and inspiring. I would ove to get transcript to incorporate in my journal to review often. Thanks fro anything you can do. - John
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JohninVegas 01/03/2011 13:23 |
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Tamarie
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08/29/2011 21:55 |
Which Way Do I Go?
Needed to give this talk for a long time. It’s been several months ago that I felt very compelled to do it. It is just that it is such an all-encompassing topic that it is hard to figure out, hard to approach it in one sitting. You know how you go to a buffet and you have all of these choices and you sit down and you eat until you are sick? You don’t want to think about food for a year? Of course, you’re hungry the next day, but you’ve sampled a little of this, a little of that, and it just all blends together and basically you walk out going ‘I wish I hadn’t done that.’ So that is what I’m trying to avoid—to be able to focus in on what the Holy Spirit would want to talk about and minister to here in one sitting.
So the straw that broke the camel’s back occurred at the Wild at Heart Boot Camp that I was just at in Colorado. I was talking to one of the men from the Daily Audio Bible community who was attending. He was telling me about one of these particular talks that occurred, I don’t know, a year and a half ago or thereabouts, about my move into the new studio here in the new home. At the end of that, I played this song from Tom Petty about moving on. He just shared how that was a moment that he recalls and it was pivotal in some of the decisions that he and his wife were making. He recited this lyric from the song. It says: Which way to love land? Which way to forgiveness? Which way do I go? That stuck with me all that weekend. It has stuck with me all the way until today when I’ve agreed with the prompting of the Holy Spirit to talk about this. So we’ll call this talk Which Way Do I Go? It’s a talk about forgiveness because I don’t think we can get to love land without first going through forgiveness.
What are you mad about right now? I’ll wait for a second. What are you raging over? What has really got you pissed? Think about it. Who has slighted you? Who are you angry with? Who have you maybe been angry with for a long time? Maybe justly. Maybe totally in the right. Who are you mad at?
So thinking about that, what does that do? What does that bring up in your heart as you consider maybe the person that has betrayed you or the person that cut you off at the knees or threw you under the bus. The person that was just rude or mean for no reason. Somebody threw one of your shortcomings in your face and it was like cold water on a freezing cold day. What does that bring up in you? Isn’t that like battery acid? Doesn’t that just do something that seeps, that doesn’t feel good? Something that is better just left over there in the corner behind a few other things? We don’t really look at it anymore. It is just over there. When you think about it, doesn’t that cause a tightening? Doesn’t it cause tenseness? Like we’re blowing into a balloon and it’s building tension. If we don’t put our mind on something else, it’ll just keep constricting and tightening so we put it away. Maybe we even tuck it way somewhere where we think we’ll never have to deal with it again. We just say, yeah, stuff happens. Stuff happens! That’s gone in the past. I don’t think about that anymore. And yet, when something similar or something triggers a memory, we can be set off just like that into a rage, spewing acid out of our mouths that we can’t believe we’re saying and that we don’t really mean because it’s still there hidden like a time bomb waiting. It is this place for the evil one to exploit us. Because if we’re willing to hold onto it and let it seep its poison into our spiritual bloodstream, well, he is willing to bide his time and use it over and over to remind us of lies that we’ve believed.
So why does it hurt so much when we’ve been wronged? Why does that hurt so much? Maybe it’s betrayal. Why does that hurt so much? Because we put our hearts out there and trusted only to find out that we were trusting in something that wasn’t quite what we thought or wasn’t quite as eternal as it had appeared at one time. The shock of seeing that things are not what we thought they were, certainly that is a shock to the system. Certainly it hurts, bad. But why does it linger? Isn’t there a residue? Isn’t there a message wrapped up in the betrayal or the wrong that says something very specific to us about ourselves? You’re not good enough. This wouldn’t have happened to you had you been good enough. You’re not lovely. You’re not strong. You’re not a man. This wouldn’t have happened to you if you were. You’re not a woman. You’re less. You’re much less than everyone else and you deserved it. You did. Let’s be honest.
These messages, they are tapes. We hate them. They play in our heads and we say, yeah, that’s true. It’s true. And then we believe the lie and then we live as if it is true and then it is true because we’re living the truth of it even though it was never true to begin with. We agree with the lie and so therefore we give it permission to be true. All of a sudden we are unworthy. We are unlovable. We are diminished. We did deserve it, but it hurts so much that we rage against it and anything can set us off because it reminds us of who we don’t want to be but who we are agreeing to be.
What would it be like to just let it go? I know. I know. We’ve tried. We’ve tried. It’s very hard, yet it is possible. It must be possible. You see, one of the most important parts of scripture, one of the most known parts of scripture is Jesus teaching his disciples to pray and teaching them the Lord’s Prayer. Most of us can probably recite the Lord’s prayer by heart. Yet, in the book of Matthew chapter 6, the verse immediately following the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus says “for if you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.” “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
So I know a lot of us are believing God for things. We are believing in faith for God to show up and to move on our behalf and help us to overcome obstacles, things that are standing in the way of the desires of our hearts or what we believe God is leading us into or simple survival, for that matter. I mean, Jesus talks in the book of Mark about having faith to move mountains. Have faith in God, he says. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain be taken up and thrown off into the sea and if he does not doubt in his heart but believes that which he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. So therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours.
Awesome! Awesome, we could even turn that to forgiveness and trust that can be done. We stop there, though. I mean, that is such an encouragement and it gives us such a shot in the arm. But we never go on. You know what? It’s like Jesus takes a breath and says the next sentence because it is the next verse--whenever you stand praying, forgive if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Forgiveness is such an all-encompassing thing because it is so required in life to live the Christian faith and even have any sort of centeredness and happiness in life at all. Yet, it is so huge because some of the things that have been done to us are so deep and they have been there for so long that the moss and the vines have grown over them and there is no way it seems to get there. It would be like going through a jungle to even get back there because it is so bad and so deep. Yet, it informs everything about our lives. We don’t think about it, but it is there destroying, killing our spirits and our lives and our hearts, keeping us in a box and we’re so used to it that we don’t really even notice. It is like a person who hasn’t been outside since they were an infant and yet if they were to step outside, what would that be like?
So what about you? What are you hating about yourself? I’m not talking about you looking in the mirror and you see some extra pounds. I mean, what have you done that you feel as if it is a cloud that will never, ever, ever go away? Maybe you betrayed someone and you saw by the look in their face, when the truth was finally revealed, that it had shattered and fragmented their hearts. If you could take it back, you would because it wasn’t worth it. If there was anything that you could do, but there isn’t. So you live with it, resolved to accept it because there is no other way. Maybe you’ve done something that you deeply regret, a mistake that you wish you had another shot at that is plaguing you at specific times or specific situations. You can feel this tightening in your chest. It is like a panic attack of sadness. You have regrets. You really do. If there was any way to go back, you would. You’ve asked God to take it away. You even trusted God, but that voice, that voice of accusation won’t go away. You can beat it for awhile, but it seems to eventually come back and haunt you. That is what it is doing. It is haunting you. You know Jesus loves you. You know he died to forgive your sins. But you can’t seem to forgive yourself.
You see, we could go on and on because all of the issues of life come to these places of release, completion, letting go, and allowing Christ access to heal our broken hearts and set us free. I was never setting out to do a teaching on forgiveness because there are wonderful ones available. What we were setting out to do was to come to this place. I don’t know what is going on in your heart right now. What I do know is that whether there is one person weeping right now or thousands, we were supposed to come to this place which is a time of prayer because we are all destined for love land, but we have to go through forgiveness to get there. So I invite you now into this time of prayer over your own life and of those that you love.
Father, our Heavenly Father, we come into your presence to love and adore you. We thank you for your love, your desire for union with us. We welcome all that you want to do through this time of prayer. We open ourselves to communication with you, Jesus, through the ministry of the Holy Spirit. Come, Holy Spirit. Anoint us with healing so deep it reaches all the way back into our bloodline; with healing so wide, it impacts our friends and relatives; with healing so high it draws us into your presence and holiness. Holy Spirit, come. Come with your fire. Father, by your grace we come with all that we are, all that we ever hope to be. We are your children born of your love. Jesus brought us into your presence. You alone can satisfy our souls. You in us and we in you. This is the path to healing for our souls. By your grace, we come into your presence with trust, simple trust and assurance, certain that you do, you really do love us. In your presence, all fear and insecurity are set aside, melt away, and the deep hurts become healing memories. In your presence we find strength. We’re filled with hope. We open ourselves to that now. Father, as we breathe in, we breathe the breath of heaven deep inside our spirits. Heaven flows through us. May the light of your glory be present with us throughout this time and this day. We love you, Lord. Father, we are choosing to live our lives no matter what has gone before and no matter where we are right now. We choose to live this precious life in a way that honors your holy name. You call us to worship and here we are. Father, let all that is within us cry holy. Let every wound of our past dissolve in the light of your wonderful presence. Turn our weakness into strength, our failure into victory, our sorrow into joy. Perfect all that concerns us as we gaze upon your holiness. Your kingdom of love, it’s in our hearts. We declare it is not we who live but Christ lives within us. We are identified with the risen Savior, with the risen Jesus. Jesus, your Kingdom is established in our spirits. Coming to know you, we’ve discovered who we really are. So we open our hearts and invite your Kingdom into our emotions. We ask that you set them in balance. We invite your Kingdom into our minds, that they may be sanctified, that we may each day draw closer and closer to being like you. We invite your Kingdom into our bodies that we might become healthy and whole. We invite your Kingdom to rule our hearts that we may live a life of richness and depth and intimacy, true intimacy with you. We invite your Kingdom into our mouths that we will speak words that heal and liberate rather than cut and destroy. Forgive us, Lord, for using our tongues as weapons against anyone and anything. We invite your Kingdom into our lives that we may be filled with hope no matter the circumstance. Father, we submit our wills and ask that you unite them with that of your son, Jesus. We thank you for a spirit of submission, that we be tender and open to the Holy Spirit, truly paying attention, truly oriented to you, and truly in a posture of obedience. Not talking about it, but of doing it. In every circumstance, we commend ourselves to your grace and make the choice ahead of time to choose what is pleasing to you. We delight to do your will. We lay our lives before you and say thy will be done. Receive this as an act of worship, Lord. You have come into the deepest parts, the deepest struggles of our lives and we hear you whispering to us, keep your eyes on me, son. Trust me, son. Keep your eyes on me, daughter. I love you. Trust me to take care of you. You have come into our broken hearts and we invite you to heal and restore those places. Nothing is off-limits to you. We’ve come this far. Go where you need to go. Take us where we need to go. We want to be free. We want to be whole. We want to be healed. Come, Holy Spirit, heal and restore us. Make our hearts a place of wholeheartedness and wholehearted worship. Draw us to praise you when everything seems like ashes. You’ve called us to trust you beyond all reason and so we lay our lives upon the altar of your love and say with joy your will be done. I trust you Jesus. Father, our heart beats with your heart. For us to live is Christ, and we want to represent and live the life of Christ well while we breathe the air of this earth. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for bringing our lives into harmony with heaven. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for teaching us how to walk with Jesus in his resurrected life. Thank you that the attitudes and postures of heaven are becoming our attitudes and postures. This is what we desire. We want to think your thoughts and walk in your presence moment by moment in conversational intimacy with you. We want to carry the light of heaven wherever we go so that wherever we are, there is the Kingdom. You’ve always taken care of us, Lord. You always will. You’ve given us what we need each day and you’ve prepared us for tomorrow. Our faith is growing. Thank you for the joy that draws us to worship, even in sadness. Even when the sadness descends upon us, when accusation comes, when we grieve, draw us into worship. Thank you for your healing that soothes the day’s aches and pains. Thank you for your perfect love that soaks away our fear, your tender daily care in every area of need that draws us to our knees in humility and worship. Thank you for walking with us day by day and our growing friendship with you. You have never, ever failed us. We love you. Father, we love you. Jesus, we love you. Holy Spirit, we love you. Father, by the grace of the cross, we choose to let go of bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness. If there are hidden roots of unforgiveness, shine your light on them. We invite you now. Roll up the rugs. Go into the attics, fling open the windows, look in the corners. Shine the light of truth. We trust you now in this area. Thank you for turning injury into compassion and woundedness and hurts into intercession. Forgiveness brings heaven to earth and we want to bring heaven to earth. We love you, Father. Lord, we invite you to keep us on a path that leads to holiness with your grace. Help us to see the temptation to return to the person that we were when it comes and brush it away. Your love is stronger than anything. So we thank you for healing any areas of our soul that are vulnerable. You are our shepherd. You are our hiding place. You guide us to safe pasture. So we respond to that. We respond to the voice of the Holy Spirit who will lead us into all truth and warn us of trouble ahead. We love you. Father, we thank you for protecting us from every evil and every onslaught of the evil one and for bringing us the gift of peace. You’ve broken the chains of oppression, depression, and delivered us from anger and guilt and fear. In the name of Jesus we declare every knee will bow, which means all of our addictions, or perversions, our hopelessness, our worthlessness, our loneliness, our despair. All of these things must bend their knee in the name of Jesus. We cast them down, every argument and every high thing in us that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. We cast it down in the name of Jesus. We bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. Thank you for giving us this power over the power of the evil one. Nothing will hurt us. You’ve given us a spirit of praise and worship which is our strength in the face of the enemy. Thank you for your armor. Thank you for your name. Thank you for your blood. Thank you for your Holy Spirit. No weapon formed against us will prosper. Thank you, Father, for that. We declare these things in the name of Jesus. We love you. Father, every gift that you have ever given us, every dream, every talent, every possession, every resource, every hope for the future we yield and give back to you with love. It is all yours. May your name be glorified in us. May your Kingdom come to us. May your Kingdom come through us. Father, we give you all of our rights. We surrender to you all of our wrongs. Liberty comes through you and we declare that we surrender our liberty to you. We give you our memory. We give you our understanding. We surrender our entire will. All that we have and possess. You’ve given everything to us and to you, Lord, as an act of worship and by our free will we return it to you. All is yours. Dispose of it wholly according to your will. Give us your love and your grace, for this is sufficient for us. This is what we need. We declare these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Now I want to guide us in a time of prayer from the early church. I’m going to use a historical prayer that speaks of these things, this healing that we desire and the orientation to God that we deeply seek. As we pray this, we are praying across history. We are praying across thousands of years and linking arms with the great cloud of witnesses, those who have lived this story and championed the gospel and passed it down until it has come into our hands.
Soul of Christ, sanctify us. Body of Christ, save us. Blood of Christ, fill us. Water from the side of Christ, wash us. Passion of Christ, strengthen us. Oh good Jesus, hear us. Within your wounds hide us. Let us never be separated from you. From the evil one, protect us. At the hour of our death call us and bid us come to you, that with your saints we may praise you forever and ever, amen.
There is no other way to conclude this other than to say we are free. Yet, to be forgiven we must forgive. In some cases that means we need to sincerely and physically offer that forgiveness. In some cases, there is no way to do that. We just release and trust it and trust them into the hands of God. In other cases, there are things that we know that we need to seek forgiveness about and offer forgiveness over and to truly live this, to truly go there, to truly be the people that we’ve just asked Christ to form us into, then we must step with boldness and decisiveness into the healing that he offers. The healing that he offers requires us to be people of action as well. So I pray that this sparks a revolution in this community and in your life and through your life the Kingdom comes to where you are and that wherever you are the Kingdom is.
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