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Bible Questions and Spiritual Discussion

Anger
I tried many times but failed to control my anger, anytime my husband says something to me that I'm not okay with it I'll be very mad, and say something hurtful. Only after arguments then will I realize that it is such a small matter, but over time I tried to remind myself do not get angry at the first place, I failed, I don't know why do i get stirred up so easily. Small tiny thing, can make my heart beats goes up and get mad.
What is wrong with me? I need to know how to control my anger. Sometimes i can control myself by not getting angry but if that negative thought comes back, I gave up to control my anger and blow off.
I'm such a terrible person, I know if i continue like this, it going to be bad to our marriage.

Please help me...
B<3W 06/24/2011 03:56

Replies:
Tom B 06/24/2011 05:59
Praying for peace and calm in your life, and that you will experience joy in Christ.
Ray 06/24/2011 08:01
No, that is a lie. You are not a terrible person. You are the beautiful child of God. However, you have an enemy. He wants your destruction. He wants you dead. Realize that. It isn't you, but just like Adam and Eve, you surrender your true place to the enemy. Step one, realize you have an enemy. This will change the stakes and the name of the game. It's not just you and your husband. There is a much larger story and you have a part in it because God loves you so much. Look for how glorious victory over the enemy will be and how much glory it will bring to Jesus.

Eldredge wrote about our current situation. Embrace your true role and give your self to love. This takes surrender. I'm not saying you are a dog, but I have a friend who owns a dog that is very afraid and as a result threatens anyone who comes around her home. It isn't that she is a bad dog, she is just afraid. Something wounded her or hurt her long ago. I suspect deep down you are afraid of something, also. We all are. Examine your fear and realize that it is a lie. The lover of your soul is far greater then the lie you have been told. No matter what the threat is, it is of no consequence because nothing can separate you from the love of God, nothing.

"Being unable to defeat God
through raw power, Satan's legions decide to wound God as deeply as
possible by stealing the love of his Beloved through seduction. And having
seduced them to his party, to ravish them body and soul; and having
ravished them, to mock them even as they are hurled to the depths of hell
with God himself unable to save them because of their rejection of him.
This is Satan~Rs motivation and goal for every man, woman, and child into
whom God ever breathed the breath of life. Like a roaring lion, he
hungers for us.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a
roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in
the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are
undergoing the same kind of sufferings. (1 Peter 5:8~9)

God could have given up on the love affair with mankind. He could have
resorted to power and demanded our loyalty, or given us a kind of spiritual
lobotomy that would take away our choice to love him. Even now, he could
easily obliterate our Enemy and demand the allegiance of our hearts, but
the love affair that began in the laughter of the Trinity would be over, at
least for us. And Satan's accusation that the kingdom of God is
established only through raw power would be vindicated.

John Eldgredge, The Sacred Romance , p104

Love to you and your family.
Calico 06/24/2011 12:54
Hi Brenda,

Let me say a few things firstly, sister:

Firstly, it is so wonderful that you've started this thread. This can be an AMAZING thing for all of us at DAB to journey through. Perhaps you have no idea how far-reaching such sorts of threads can go, but see if you can have a look at one that is at least somewhat similar, found here http://www.dailyaudiobible.com/Forums/Messages.aspx?ThreadID=1000026796&page=1. Though perhaps oriented a little differently than your is, Nana's thread can also offer to you (and others) some good things to consider. Have a look at the humility and the openness expressed there in that thread, Brenda. Yet I also encourage you to keep attending to THIS thread that YOU'VE engaged us with. Keep writing your thoughts out, here, Brenda. It's YOUR thread. I encourage you to make use of it as a sort-of journal, through which we can all interact with you and with one another.

Secondly, the fact that you have the awareness of the dissonance within you is a GOOD thing. Your anger is not your END POINT, Brenda. It is actually your START-POINT. You're not "stuck with the outcome" of the anger within you; instead, you're now able to process through the problem that you feel you face regarding this anger - and you can do so, all with the help of the Spirit, and with the community whom you have here that surrounds you.

Brenda, if you're up for it, I hope to encourage you to continue to keep adding to the dialog here on this thread. Share more. Write more. Be as open about it all as you can be. For my part here on this thread, I have some resources we can make use of.

Are you up for the ongoing dialog, sister? I tell you, this can perhaps turn out REALLY, REALLY good over the next several weeks. :-)

We start with one day, though: today. We can make it through today and we will make progress!

Praying with you,

Tom
Ted C 06/24/2011 13:13
Brenda, the fact that it bugs you is awesome; it means the Holy Spirit is at work with your life.

There is such a thing as righteous anger; the anger of the Lord belongs to the Lord. And because He is Truth (John 14:6) His anger is rooted in truth.

Nahum 1:3a says, "The LORD is slow to anger and great in power, And the LORD will by no means leave the guilty unpunished."

Ephesians 4:25-32 says, "Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another. BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

Truth is important. I was just listening to a Don Potter CD the other day and he said, "The reason relationship split is always because of misunderstanding, and that's just another word for deception." That struck be because John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."

I heard something incredibly wise one time and I can't remember where I heard it: If you experience a blocked goal (picture an arrow hitting a wall) you will experience anger. If you experience an impossible goal (picture an arrow shooting off into eternity) you will experience depression, and if you experience an undefined goal (picture an arrow going back and forth, unsure) you will experience anxiety. That's why someone can be very, very angry and then suddenly it turns into depression; a blocked goal has become an impossible goal. And here's how the lesson was applied: Suppose a wife has a husband and she wants him to quit drinking, or looking at porn, or whatever. If she makes it her goal for him to stop, that is entirely outside of her realm of authority. She can't make him stop; that's a decision of his will. If she attempts to make him stop she will wind up angry and he will wind up very frustrated (Prov 27:15). On the other hand, if she makes it her goal to love on him and encourage him to stop, well, that IS something that is within her realm of ability. It's a goal that's in reality. She can be happy and loving and fully achieve her goal of encouraging. I thought that was a great example.

One other note. I was listening to Dr. Laura one time and she said that men are simple creatures. If an atmosphere is pleasant, they will want to hang out there, and if an atmosphere is not pleasant, they will find a way to check out. I have found that that is SO incredibly true. Sometimes as a husband I wish it wasn't true but I can see it happening when the homefront is unpleasant. Of course, that's a two way street. If I come home and initiate an ice storm because I'm in a bad mood, I shouldn't be surprised if my wife reacts with a level of frigidity.

I'll be praying for you. Grace and peace!
Helga 06/25/2011 00:29
Brenda I remember myself getting so angry about little things. I used rant and rave and had a temper. By digging into so many scriptures and also listening to people who had gone through the same thing, changed me slowly but surely.
When I listened to Dr Gary Smalley once he said that all of us have certain pressure points in our life and once someone puts pressure on them, they explode. We all react differently. Remember it is for you to find out what triggers the pressure off, the other person usually does not know about it.
My husband is not a Christian and God uses him to change me. The more I saw that the anger in me is not my husbands fault and that I have the power of God in me to be able to master this, the happier my home became. I have to work at this daily and I mostly read stuff which helps me understand how each one of our thinking work.
Books like: Deadly Emotion's by Dr Don Colbert, "Who switched off my brain" Dr Caroline Leaf, Dr Gary Smalley's interview with Joyce Meyer etc. helped me and still help me to understand myself, my children, my husbands and people who cross my life.
Deuteronomy 30:19 "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live"
dreamwalker 06/26/2011 12:59

Brenda, the way you describe your situation, anger is indeed a problem for you and some of my suggestions may help you to do some reflections on issues about yourself. From the onset, this not a matter of good or bad. Nevertheless, you are plagued by a condition that has its genesis in the experiences of your life. I suggest that your use of anger and/or the lack of control thereof are tied up with experiences of yours that go far back into your childhood years, with the barring of any health issues that perhaps are at work as a cause. It maybe that you really need to look at at your home-life experiences as a child, your family dynamics back then. Ask yourself questions like, what was the level of tolerance of each other's mistakes, etc., what habits of your parents have you observed in your mother and/or father that approximates the kind of behavior you experience presently. How did your mother express anger toward your father and about what issues if relevant. Chances are, you will revive memories that will give you clues and insights about your behavior that are your burdens now. It appears to be a learnt approach by you as to how you deal with frustration and if so, it can be unlearned. This whole process will of course become clearer to you with the help of God and, it will take time. Pray for patience in particular therefor and, heed to the promptings of the Holy Spirit as you approach this task of self-discovery and eventual healing.
Calico 07/02/2011 16:42
Thought I'd ask how you are doing, Brenda,

Can you give us an update on things?

Praying with you,

Tom
Heather Strom 07/12/2011 09:04
Dreamwalker said "...you will revive memories that will give you clues and insights about your behavior that are your burdens now..." I completely agree with this! I don't agree with the part about unlearning. Yes, it may be learned behavior, but if it's rooted in fear or past hurts, no amount of learning is going to be a remedy. The Holy Spirit is the only remedy for this kind of thing. I know by experience. Ask the Spirit to remind you of whatever it is from the past, that may be buried deep in your memories, ask him to reveal what needs to be dealt with. Then be willing to feel it again and turn it over to God for healing. I also agree with the part "This whole process will of course become clearer to you with the help of God and, it will take time. ... heed to the promptings of the Holy Spirit as you approach this task of self-discovery and eventual healing." For further reading see http://www.theophostic.com/page12414933.aspx
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