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Bible Questions and Spiritual Discussion
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Parenting and churches
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First, I could use your prayers. As some may recall, my marriage was in a bad place about 2 years ago, and it's all but over now. But some of the parenting issues that are coming out of the separation/divorce are becoming more difficult.
Tonight, my 12-turning-13 year old daughter dropped an ultimatum on me that if I didn't take her to the church she wanted to go to tomorrow, she wouldn't want to be around me as much any more. Her mother started going to a large, growing and contemporary church a few months ago, and she has really enjoyed it. Which is a huge blessing. But I continue to go to the church that we attended as a family for many years. This would be the first time that I would be taking her there in months (due to sickness, travel and taking her to the "new" church the last two time we went to church together).
It breaks my heart that she doesn't understand that in the same sense that I am respecting her choice and supporting her by going to the other church from time to time, I would also want to go to my church from time to time. Ultimately, I do want her at church and I want her relationship with Christ to come first. But is it too much to ask to attend both?
I know we don't have a place here for parenting, and maybe there is another place I can check out. I am certainly open to suggestions, thoughts and recommendations. And again more than anything I ask for your prayers.
Yours in Christ,
Lochlain
Who had his heart broken tonight
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Andrew Lochlain 08/06/2011 21:19 |
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Jake Van Horn
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08/07/2011 09:50 |
Praying with you Andrew. When I think about this I would make the decision based on what will ultimately draw my daughter closer to God. I'm praying with you brother.
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Lily Snyder
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09/29/2011 09:15 |
Good advice Jake. I would take her to the church of her choice tomorrow, but afterwards, I would have a discussion with her about why it is important for you to go to your smaller church (the community that has supported you - Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver, and the other gold).
Do you think that there is a reason she doesn't want to go back to the old church...? Could she be feeling judgment from people there, or disappointment because of the changing family situation? It is important that she know that your church community will be there to pray and offer support to your family, no matter what happens. It is always awkward to be a tweenage girl, self consciousness is amplified. If she is reminded that she is a valued part of that community, maybe she would feel better about going back.
With Love and Prayers for your family,
Lily
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Ted
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10/13/2011 22:10 |
Dear Brother Andrew,
Your baby wants to socialize right now and a larger church gives her that opportunity, especially with boys as well as making and learning from other girls. Right now she's willing to do this in the context of People of God rather than on the streets. Praise God!! It sounds like she's starting to exercise her freedom under the watchful eye of your former wife. (My condolences to your former and to you Andrew. Perhaps your heartbreak of your daughter's decision is part of a carry over from the divorce?).
I think that being the best Christian Father (Leader) is still paramount. Have quiet times, prayer, scripture readings and keep communication open with her well-being at the forefront and main focus. LISTEN moreso than speak so she feels understood by Daddy. LORD, how we all need the feeling of being understood. You can get a lot of mileage out of understanding her. The LORD and your wise circle of friends will sustain you as you sustain your daughter.
Dear Andrew, one more suggestion and that is to plan activities where you can have fun without having anything to do with church? Even Jesus fished, sailed, ate (Partied) and hiked.
I wish you all the best of everything that the LORD has to offer you and yours! God Bless!
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