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Tell Us About Yourself and What the DAB Means To You
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Davida
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01/02/2012 16:44 |
Hi Tom,
I want to thank you for your words and concerns. They are heartwarming. I really believe that God is working in my life. I see His guidance in finding this site on the internet. What are the chances..
It helps a lot just sharing whats in my heart. It is easier to share things with people you don't know and probably will never meet. But has blessed me with you and the others that responded on my forum thread.
My little girl was very sick the last few days. So I was busy taking care of her.
My two boys are home because it's still a holiday fornthem. Next week the school will start again. I love it when they are at home.
Since I started writing on this site, I feel stronger because I feel loved and understood. I know God is working with me. I'm curious how I will be changed, on the other site it isn't easy.it's very difficult to deal with your emotions when you're used to put them in a box and not paying attention to them. I hardly ever cried since I was 13 until my sisters death 5 years ago. And when I did cry I only did it when I was alone. Not even when my husband was around. It was my sorrow, my pain.
And now I start to cry about almost everything. Most of the time when I'm alone but not all the time anymore. But when somebody sees me crying I feel ashamed. I just don't want anybody to think that I'm weak. I really hate it when I'm feeling weak. But I've been thinking about that. Perhaps that's the thing that God wants me to learn. That I should lean on Him completely and not partialy?
I think this is one of the most difficult things to learn for me. Eventhough it's not comfortable for me, I know that I will grow in my relationship with my Father. And I'm thankfull for His never ending love for me. Through this love I will be changed, I know that for sure!
May God bless you.
Until next time!
Davida
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Davida
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01/02/2012 16:52 |
@laure
I will write to you soon. For now I'm going to bed. It has been a long day ;-))
The words you wrote touched my heart and I love to write to you.
i just wish I could hugg you and say how sooting your kinds words are.
I pray that God will bless you and your family.
With love,
Davida
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Calico
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01/02/2012 17:44 |
Davida, Laure,
My friends, I must apologize for a mistake that I've made. In my 12/25/2011 17:15 response I had said:
"Of the many DAB women who you will build friendships with, I must say, after reading this thread, that you've got two of the most wonderful sisters here, who will journey with you. Tammy and Bonnie are each a wonderful part of this community. They each have deep wells of wisdom and love to draw from, to share with you. I hope you will indeed build a stronger bond with them; I encourage it, if I may."
When I made reference to Bonnie, I had looked at screen-name "LaKr" and mistakenly read it as being the screen-name "Laker," who is our dear friend Bonnie here on DAB. I erroneously addressed Laure as Bonnie in my post. I am sorry, Laure. My mistake!
That said, I am hoping that you two sisters will indeed keep bonding and building a friendship. The amazing things God can work through the relationships built in the Spirit of Christ can be deep and affecting. And as much as the sisterhood can be built upon, I hope that this thread will also continue on: the things that are discovered, written of, and discussed can be a future record for those who've experienced the same things you're working through, Davida. With friends like Tammy, Laure, Helga, Tina, and perhaps a few others, much good can come from this. Where you've written "Since I started writing on this site, I feel stronger because I feel loved and understood. I know God is working with me. I'm curious how I will be changed," I encourage you to keep going! You will indeed most blessedly find out EXACTLY how you will be changed!
Praying with you all,
Hugs,
Tom
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LaKr
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01/03/2012 05:45 |
@Tom
No worries at all.
Your thoughtfulness and prayers are a kindness.
Laure
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Beverly
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01/03/2012 11:59 |
Hi, Davida. I am praying for you---there are many of us who have had this type of abuse. I experienced abuse by a family member (not my father). I understand what you are saying--- it is something that changes you forever. I never felt that I was as good as others, that nothing I ever did was good enough. I am pretty old now, and even though I have a Christian husband who is so good to me, it is only the past few years that I am beginning to understand that I felt different because of the ongoing abuse.
I am so sorry for your pain and your loss--- I am praying for you that the Lord will heal up the hurting places in your heart with His love. Remember that you are His favorite daughter---it's His great nature that we are each His favorite---and you are the apple of Hs eye, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.
The comments from Tamarie and Tom are insightful ---I agree with everything said. Grace and Peace to you, dear sister.
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Davida
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01/17/2012 15:48 |
Hello, here I am again. It has been a few days since the last time I wrote something.
I've been busy cleaning up the attick. In june we are going to move to a different house and I've already started some packing. While I was going through a lot of boxes filled with papers I ran into a box full of my fathers administration but also the cards I received when he pasted away, some old photos and his watch. I've taken some time to read all the cards, I've cried some and I've thrown a lot of papers away. I also found cards wich I received when my sister passed away and papers that belong to my niece. It was a very emotional thing to go through these papers, but it also felt like a great relief. I sorted out the things I want to keep or which go to my niece and the rest I've thrown away.
Since I've started writing on this forum I have had a lot of upportunities to speak about my emotions. It has helped me a lot.
I know it's a start and that it will take a while to be healed again.
I still find it difficult to feel so empty inside, so hollow. But I know God will take care of that.
You know, I really want to be the perfect christian, but I'm not. I make so many mistakes.
I'm really struggling with myself. Since I was very young I have been masturbating. A terrible thing. But I just don't know how to stop. I've also watched porn. I really want to quit but I just can't do it. I am so afraid that God will have enough of me. Because I know what I do is wrong but I still do it. There has to be something wrong with me. How can I be a christian and do this at the same time? How is it possible that I walk in the " light" but still have so much darkness inside of me? Am I really a christian? Our pastor said recently that what I say = what I do. I say I'm a christian but my actions say another thing. I' ve prayed so many times that I may be delivered from this sin. So why am I still doing it? Am I that weak?
I've given up on myself with this. When will I stop!!! I'm so frustrated. I just could scream.
I'm sorry...I'm just rambling away.
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Kelley
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01/17/2012 17:37 |
Davida, sister, hug! Tom (Calico) just pointed your thread out to me because of some of the issues you are attempting to address. I haven't spent much time on the forums these last few months and so I have not read any of your words until now. I am sorry I didn't see your thread sooner. I am very familiar with some of the struggles you are speaking of. My heart for God was so intense and yet I would do these things that seemed so contrary to my deep heart desires, and I could not understand why. For me it began when I was gaming, I was recently divorced and filled with unbearable hurt and loneliness. I was gaming which became a world in which I hid. And with that world came cybering relationships with partners I spent a lot of time in game with. It started an addiction I could not seem to stop. Whenever I felt hurt and alone the whole thing would start up again. I was horrified at myself and vowed to stop, and would make it a few days or weeks and then something would send me tumbling again. When I would "fall" I would feel like I couldn't pray, that I had no right to be here at DAB talking to others so I would disappear making the problem worse. I wanted purity deeply but couldn't seem to get myself there. My life was this pendulum of grasping God's ankles with this death grip, pleading, secret agony, and then letting go and falling again. I went to Setting Captives Free and am currently living in freedom. It is something you could do as well. One of the main things they do there is put in touch with a daily deep connective walk with Jesus Christ through His word. DAB is the IDEAL place to walk out a walk like that. Oh! Davida! I wish I could wrap you up in my excitement for you. Your honesty touches my heart. There are many of us who struggle with these things, both male and female. We can help each other and cheer each other on. But more importantly we can bring HIM into this circle. You have much wisdom from others here in this thread, people I know from experience are amazing strong women of God. I know we can walk through this with you. Be here for you. Catch you when you fall. I know you can make it. If you click on my name you will see my email address, feel free to write to me any time, every day if you wish. Lord Jesus, here is Davida, she shares the hurts of my own heart and hasn't found freedom yet. Bring her forward, show her your immense love, make a place for her to heal, to grow, to thrive. Give us wisdom to walk her through this, she is facing soooo much. In Jesus name.... -Kelley
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Calico
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01/18/2012 13:22 |
Davida, I wanted to write to you and encourage you too,
Thank you for trusting us so deeply. We will hold this trust tightly, and help to see it flourish as we all get to know one another.
The clearing away and the packing away of things is a wonderful reality of what you are also doing via the writing you are doing: you're processing through "the things in the attic" and clearing away what is no longer needed, and tucking things away to keep. Now you know exactly where they are, and you can retrieve them when you wish, and leave them where they are when you want to leave them. What this offers you is "choice." Choice to grow, and heal, and live in the freedom that Christ has already given to you.
I am going to also encourage you to draw more closely to your sisters here, even as much as there are men and women who are writing and responding on this thread. Kelley is one whom you will find a strong, loving, passionate encouragement from. As you can see from her post above, she is "one who's been there," with the matters of sexual things, shame, and grace. Truly, Davida, I hope you will contact her directly too.
Hugs, Davida, so very much praying with you for all things,
Tom
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Calico
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01/24/2012 13:00 |
Hey Davida,
Just thought to see how you're doing with things. :-)
Hugs, praying with you,
Tom
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Davida
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02/19/2012 08:52 |
Heavenly Father, my life is in Your hands.
Yesterday, today, and forever, I am safe and secure in You.
Lord, please help me to know that You are in control.
Help me to believe You are at work in my life right now,
even when I don't see it.
Help me to trust in what I do not see,
when what I see is so painful.
Please help me to know You are taking care of my needs.
Lord, thank You for listening to my cries for help.
Thank You for loving me so much.
Help me to believe You and the promises You have made.
Forgive me when I doubt You and Your love.
I believe, Lord. Forgive me for my unbelief.
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8
I want to tell you that I serve a great God!
It's amazing how God works. I've had a though time the last few months and all I could see was darkness. I did realise that that wasn't where I wanted to be, so I looked for help. I found what I needed right here at this forum. Every reaction I received from you was like a warm embrase. I needed that so much! Thank you for being here for me. I wrote a lot that I never shared with anyone and it made it easier to open up to others. I hope I can do the same for others.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I love you guys and hope to here from you! I cherish all your messages!
Have a blessed sunday
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