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Tell Us About Yourself and What the DAB Means To You
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LaKr
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12/18/2011 18:16 |
Hi Davida,
I am writing to say that I understand loneliness and how people in our particular communities - our friends - can have a view of us as always being strong. This can make it a challenge to come to our friends in our weakness in order to receive encouragement and consolation in Christ.
I can't imagine that you scared off Tammy with what you've shared here. And you certainly have not scared me off.
What is one thing that you wish to talk/write to someone about? Sometimes when we carry a lot of pain we don't know quite where to begin because we feel overwhelmed but I would encourage you to let God show you one thing to begin sharing.
I offer my quiet presence to you and my faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.
LaKr
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Tamarie
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12/19/2011 08:27 |
Dear Davida~
Scared me off? No way! In fact, (hope this doesn't scare you off) you, my dear, are a blessing to me.
Davida, you are in a desert place. You are no alone. We all walk through desert places in our lives. They are seasons where we feel so "thirsty" and "dry." We feel so alone and empty. We all have been or are in or soon will be in a desert place.
You have had a great deal of pain in your life. You have had a whole lot of loss as well. You don't have to be strong. In fact, God wants you to see that He doesn't want or expect you to rely on your own strength to get you through this...he is there to help you, to be your strength, to be your all-in-all.
It's in the desert places that we often find a deeper level of intimacy with Our Savior and friend. Let me say with unrestrained abandon---He is all we need. Look to Him to be your strength. Look to him, for he is the absolute lover of your soul and wants to show you how deep, how high and how wide his love for you really is. Best of all, He is the only one who can bring beauty from ashes.
The enemy wants you to focus on what you can't have...you can't have your sister or your dad or your niece (as maybe you wanted her-in your home) in your life anymore. He wants you to focus on those things, your losses, and do you know why? Because he knows if he can get you to focus on those things, you'll miss the blessing God has for you.
It's true. We don't always understand the whys of some things, but that is where faith comes in. We must trust that it doesn't matter why. What we do know without a doubt is that God is good and he is right and he only wants what is best for us. He is still in control and he can and will use you (if you allow him) to bring restoration and beauty out of this desert place.
Like I said, I'm a mom of three and my kids are grown. I have been having plenty of pity parties since they've moved on, starting their own lives...so, so many. I stayed in that desert place for a long time, I think I've even hung a shingle. I subscribed to believing the lies Satan was handing me...that now that the kids are gone, I have no purpose. I've sacrificed everything for my kids, and now I had nothing (pathetic little lies).
You see, I poured my whole adult life into my kids...as a little girl, that is all I wanted to be when a grew up...a mommy. Why? Because I didn't have one. I had a mom, but not a mommy. She gave birth to me, but for some reason she never learned how to love her daughter. I grew up believing I was unlovable and resolved that some day, when and if I ever had kids, they would never feel unloved.
Here, almost 30 years later, I'm pleased to say that I did that. I married a wonderful man and had the privilege of birthing and loving my babies to adulthood. I loved nothing more than pouring myself into my kids-they made me so happy. (They actually led me to the Lord...another story, another time). I loved them as much as a mother possibly could.
Today, one of them is a prodigal. He is angry, rebellious, and has shut down all communication with me and my husband. Back into the desert place I went, it has become kind of a second home to me of late...beating myself up, believing again Satan's lies that I did something wrong, I failed, and the all time oldie but "goodie", you're unlovable. Because, see, I still have parents that don't show me love, and now I have a son that seems to not love me as well. My focus was on what I don't have--I don't have the love of my parents or my son. These are things I can't do anything about. These are facts and realities that probably would keep me in a dark, depressed state forever...if I didn't know God.
I don't know why all this is happening. I do know I can't bear it in my own strength. And I do know who not only knows what is happening, but in control and still sits on the throne--He gave his life for me...he died for me! In light of that, I can walk through this desert place praising him in the midst of it out of thanks for what he has done for me. I won't let the enemy steal, kill, and destroy that!
No, instead, I decided I'm going to live looking at all the blessings I do have - I have the gift of salvation, yes...I know how this story ends. Hallelujah! I have the best Daddy in the whole world in Abba Father who knows how to love perfectly. I have a husband that loves me and has loved me dearly for the past 30 years. I have 2 kids that love and appreciate me and a daughter-in-law who is quite simply an answer to this momma's prayers. I have a sister and brother-in-law and nephews and special niece that I love dearly. These are things that Satan wanted me to take my eyes off of--these are the things that I can love as God has loved me and I will trust that he will work all things out for my good and to his glory.
Sometimes I feel like it is through our desert places that we can shine the brightest for God. People would expect us to be sad, depressed, angry about the things we are going through. But when people see the joy in us despite what it is we are going through, well then, there is a life that points to Christ.
Can I encourage you? Don't let the enemy steal another day with the precious ones you have been given, your precious babies. It's so cliche but it's true---it goes so, so very fast. They need you...all of you...you filled with Christ's love, strength, and power. Lean on him like you never have. Focus on how much he loves you. Look to His Word and see all his promises to you...you were in exile, in a desert place forever destined until he came for you. You don't have to live there permanently every again~! Ask him how he would like to turn your ashes into beauty. Ask him how he would like to fill up those empty spaces. Maybe there are some things your sister and your dad's life meant that were things you want to share with your kids so their memories live on? In what ways can you honor your father and your sister today? What ways can you make their legacy live on in you and passed along to your kids?
This is long, so I'll close it with a couple things. First, a scripture: ...yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. (Habakkuk 3:18-19)
The second thing is a song which speaks very well to this and has helped me through my desert places. It's called Desert Song. Here is a link but if it doesn't work, just Google search Desert Song by Hillsong: http://youtu.be/Ub9ntcIvD0s
Lastly, I said I would tell you why you're a blessing...as you'll hear in the lyrics of that song that say "the seed I receive I will sow"...you've allowed me to sow the seed I've received and now I've been doubly blessed.
I love you, Sister. I'm praying that God's voice is loud and clear and triumph is at hand for you.
In Him,
Tammy
Tammymarie1@yahoo.com
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Calico
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12/25/2011 17:15 |
Hi Davida,
No, I am not a Christian woman... :-P
But I am part of DAB, and I have a Dutch background. My parents immigrated to Canada in the early 60's, and I was born here, but I am familiar with the culture and have many family still residing in various places in the Netherlands.
Of the many DAB women who you will build friendships with, I must say, after reading this thread, that you've got two of the most wonderful sisters here, who will journey with you. Tammy and Bonnie are each a wonderful part of this community. They each have deep wells of wisdom and love to draw from, to share with you. I hope you will indeed build a stronger bond with them; I encourage it, if I may.
That said, I also thought to write to you about something you wrote: you had said to Tammy "I hope I didn't scare you off with my story" (and Tammy clearly is NOT scared off... ;-) ).
This is your DAB Family, Davida. I can tell you, for a fact, that there isn't ANYTHING that you might share here that will scare us off. I hope to encourage you: this thread that you've created here is YOUR thread. And you can return to it to write ANYTHING you wish to.
Other Christian sisters can come and join-in too (and maybe a brother or two, if you would consider it :-) ); and if you keep writing on the thread, it will gain more visibility because it will continue to be bumped-up to the top of the forum roster. Your writing will let DAB get to know you better, and the ongoing interaction on the thread will let many journey WITH you, as you make your way with the Lord.
Tammy has offered a great deal of her insight in what she wrote on 12/19/2011 08:27 (Tammy, I am going to get Sean to read that; he's "where you were at" right now; each of his three have finally left home and he's all alone there!). Yet I also like what Bonnie encouraged of you, Davida: "What is one thing that you wish to talk/write to someone about? Sometimes when we carry a lot of pain we don't know quite where to begin because we feel overwhelmed but I would encourage you to let God show you one thing to begin sharing."
Consider writing those thoughts out. We will listen... :-)
Praying with you, Davida,
Doei!
Tom
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Davida
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12/25/2011 19:30 |
It's 01.44 in the morning. Already the 2nd christmasday. I want to thank Tammy, LaKr and Tom. You are so nice to me. Thank you. I thank the Lord for you.
On christmas eve we celebrated christmas with my mother and for the first time since my sister died we had a "normal" christmas. The past years there was so much sadness and this year the evening was relaxed and cheerfull. Still we missed her but it was different.
Yesterday I talked to a friend of mine in the church. I've showed her a little bit of my feelings and my problems. When the holidays are over we're going to make an appointment. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be to share some of my innerthoughts. It happends very often in the Netherlands that when somebody ask you how you're doing they actually don't really want to hear it. They're practically shocked when you tell how you're really feeling. I've experienced it when my sister just died. It doens't help to open up if this is the reaction you get. So I'm very glad that it went well.
@LaKr.
I've been thinking about where to start. And it's very difficult. I've been hurting for a long time. When I was young I never felt at home in my family. I was so different then my sisters and brother and parents and still am. I tried to fit in but I failed. Often I don't feel connected with them and I don't know how I can change that.
When I was 13 my father violated me. It happened only that one time but it turned my life around. I just couldn't believe that the father I so loved did that to me. I was so scared but I told no one. I thought it was my fault. Now I know better than that, but at that time I really thought it was my fault. I think that at that time my image off myself was broken. I stopped being myself and started to be what I thought people would expect of me. Picture perfect but with hardly any feelings inside except a lot of anger,guilt and hurt.
But God didn't let me go. He changed me a lot. But I still have trouble to except me for what I am. When I look at myself...it isn't very positive what i'm feeling. It doesn't matter what I do, because in my heart I feel like it's never good enough.
I see a lot of failure. I failed to connect with my family, i failed my sister because I couldn't take care of her daughter, i failed in taking care of myself, I failed God because I make the same mistakes over and over again. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but it is hard to change such way of thinking.
It's now 02.30 in the morning so I think I go to bed.
Bless you all!
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Helga
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12/25/2011 21:31 |
Divada thank you for having the courage to write so much about your deep inner feelings. You are not alone, never alone and whatever you have gone through, remember one thing: You have been made in the image of God. God predestined you, he chose you and He needs you in the Kingdom of God.
You have experienced so much pain in your life and I know that God is busy healing your from the inside our. You will become a "crutch" for others because you will have compassion for others who go through hard times. Let God help you to forgive yourself and those who have wronged you.
To be a stay at home mom is wonderful. Since my kids were born I was a stay at home mom and I often got asked "so what do you do all day?" and it actually made me feel quite "worthless" until I realized that being at home I can pray for others, I am the manager of my home and that the power of a woman can be that she is there for her family. I still get this "you the housewife" and I just dig deeper into God's wisdom, look after myself and my home and fix my eyes on the Lord. (I do not always get this right, even being a bit older, I still fail time an time again, but I get up and try again)
So you are very needed where you are.
Philippians 3:13-14
13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
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Calico
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12/25/2011 22:12 |
Hi Davida,
I am glad you had a better Christmas this year. Perhaps the Lord is moving quietly in the healing... and may there be more to come, sister.
I am with Helga (yay! another sister, and a dear, dear one, at that!) on what you've written: thank you for sharing so deeply of yourself, Davida. You could have said nothing; you could have gone to bed and not said a word. But your writing-out of your words is something that comes from a deep place, and we are humbled to have been privy to what you've shared. Thank you for trusting. That was a big step to have taken!
There is more to say, and surely the women of our DAB Family will chime in here. And there are things that we can share with you too: our ears to listen, and our voices to speak.
I would offer this too, Davida: knowing what things men can do, and being a man myself, I am saddened that you experienced this thing you did, with your father. As a man, I want to acknowledge the things you've shared. Clearly that experience was a soul-shaping event for you, and I am sorry that it happened.
We hope to continue journeying with you,
Praying,
Tom
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wesrman
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12/26/2011 20:30 |
Hi Davida! Welcome to the community. :)
Come visit us in the chatroom sometime when you're lonely.
http://www.justin.tv/windfarmcafe
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Calico
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12/30/2011 10:50 |
How are you doing, Davida?
Praying with you,
Tom
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LaKr
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01/02/2012 09:28 |
(((Davida)))
I have just come to find your reply to my comment. Oh sister, I understand how years of pain unattended or not attended well can make the first steps of the journey to bring darkness into the light difficult and confusing. And I understand some of the specific pain you addressed in your sharing here.
I thank God for your courage to begin to speak out. You wrote from your heart right where you were on Christmas. Thank you, Davida. I receive you and the truth of your past that you've shared.
I grieve with you over the lack of connection with your family. I have known the same in my life. My prayer to Abba is that He will give you real and lasting connections with your kin in the body of Christ. I believe with all my heart that such bonds, which are eternal, will be more true and God-glorifying than any that are found within one's biological family.
The wounds of sexual assault from a parent are some of the most devastating. Again, I know this first-hand. My prayer is that our Lord will continue to bring you deeper and deeper into the truth that while your father was yet sinning against you, Christ died for you and for your father. God can and is bringing you to a place of healing. The work He is doing in you to bring you to freedom and complete healing is by His precious Holy Spirit and it is a work that will require your cooperation in areas such as faith, trust, obedience, forgiveness, surrender and love. In His time and ways He is and will continue to bring you to that place of completion in Christ that you have been promised. Little by little you will need to give Him access to the places in your heart that have been off limits. This, again, is a work of the Holy Spirit and you together.
Every tear you have shed our Lord is intimately acquainted with and He keeps them. Your suffering and sorrow moves the heart of our Heavenly Father more than you know. The compassion and love He has for you are without limit. Oh to know this brings me into so much joy.
Just now I sense so strongly that our Papa only asks that you turn to Him with the truth ... facing Him right where you are as you bring your pain to Him little by little. His arms are open wide with waiting for you, Davida. His breast is a safe place to recline against. He invites you to come. Just come. Again and again ... come.
I welcome continuing correspondence with you. Please write at any time at laure.krueger@gmail.com.
Sending my love in Christ to you this morning as I thank Him for you.
Laure
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tina
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01/02/2012 10:55 |
Its amazing how god can bring people worlds aprt together to pray for same situations. It just proves what paul said even more there are no master or slave no man or woman..one spirit all the same.I pray the god of broken hearts will heal you frm the inside out.that these and all word written will not fall on deaf ears but will penetrate every dark corner you have. I ask for a shield of protection for you and your family for we do not wrestly against flesh and blood but against the forces of evil.god hasn't abandoned you..he has never will forget about you..and you are worthy to hold your head up high..you are a child of the most high god..and you are loved..even if I may never look upon your face. Forgivness is not tried or though about it is either done or undone..start there my dear friend. And may gods word light your path hoome.god bless you
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