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Bible Questions and Spiritual Discussion
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How to make it through adultery
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I know that when the marital values a broken due to adultery that God say's that it is okay to leave... But I also know God hates divorce... So how do you fight for your marriage when the one who committed the breaking of the values is lost in sin...?
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Chelsie 01/18/2012 10:13 |
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Ken Mikkelson
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01/18/2012 11:21 |
I don't know if this will help....
When I had an affair, I was terribly lost in sin. My wife prayed for me, had everyone she could think of pray for me, and finally the H. Spirit broke through my darkness and I was awakened to my sin. God reached down to me and pulled me out of the darkness.
When I was finally awake to my depravity, my wife accepted me back...with conditions. I had to see a Christian counselor to understand why I did what I did and to make sure that it would never happen again.
During the affair...my wife stayed close to me, let me know daily that she loved me. I can't imagine how difficult that was for her...I really cannot even know. But that's what she did. She told me later that it wasn't her love for me but God's love for me through her that kept her staying with me, and I believe that.
Enlist as many people as you can to pray, let your man know that you love him as much as you can, set boundaries...let him know what is acceptable and what is not.
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Tammy
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02/18/2012 09:47 |
I have been where you are. My husband of 28 yrs had multiple affairs over 5 years. God opened my eyes and made me realize it was time to use the faith I had been proclaiming. My heart was broken and I knew God was the only answer to this problem.
He first led me to this scripture- Matthew 6:14-15: For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. I realized I had to choose whether I would follow what God says to do and forgive my husband and all those who were in a relationship with him or give into sin and not forgive him. I realized God is actually protecting us from further pain and sin by commanding this. But he doesn't expect us do do this in our own strength. We are to ask Him for help and the strength to do this.
God led me to this scripture to remind me of His promise and to give me hope: Matthew 17:20: He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
God then led me to another scripture when women began calling and emailing me trying to drive a wedge between me and my husband and trying to continue their relationships with my husband: Romans 12:17-21: Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
To say it was easy to forgive my husband and those who were involved with him and those who knew what he was doing and said nothing would be an understatement. But I can tell you God used this to grow me up and strengthen me in ways I can only give Him the glory for.
My husband had gotten caught up in a sex addiction and was leading a different life. The pain of it hurt me, our grown children and my husband and almost tore us apart, but by the grace and love of God and His leading we have gotten past it and are celebrating our 34th year of marriage this August. My husband and I are closer now than we have ever been. Just about everyone told me to let him go and move on with my life during that time. I know the word of God says that you can leave your husband when he commits adultry. And for some I guess that would be the right road to take. But for me, when God showed me what his forgiveness for me was, then I knew I had to forgive my husband and the others involved and try to work on our marriage if my husband wanted to. Fortunately my husband wanted to work things out. He had a very hard time letting go of the other women. But he did with much prayer and God's help. There were many days I know Satan was doing his level best to rip us apart. But I kept remembering we weren't alone in the battle. God was always right there with us. He will be there for you and your husband as well. As I Corinthians 13 says Love never fails. And verse 13- And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE. God bless you and your husband and help you through this time, may he strengthen and grow your love for Him and each other.
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laurie Bowhay
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04/02/2012 16:35 |
Dear Chelsea,
I am right there with you. My husband started an affair 3 years ago. Tammy, I read your post, too. I know your heart. I've forgiven my husband, too. My husband has a sex addiction. I've been told by counselors that it came about partly because he was molested as a young man. Other things happened, too. I love my husband. I've done a lot of spiritual growing up since I found out. I had to, because everything I did without God destroyed the marriage further. The advice for getting as many people to pray for your marriage (OFTEN), is very good. I called all the major Christian prayer lines and just put it out there. I trusted God with everything. I prayed The Daily Prayer. All these things have been the only glue that's kept us together these last 2 years since I found out. My husband is not saved, but lately, since I've been following the advice I agree with here, and have used, I now see the Holy Spirit working on him. All these things I've mentioned are powerful tools. For me, personally, The Daily Prayer (found under Resources, top of page), made the biggest difference in MY faith and understanding of the Holy Spirit, and how God works, which empowered me, changed me, and strengthened me. I pray that prayer every day, and will not stop! The "other woman" has not let her grip go from my husband. But the dynamics have greatly changed in greater favor for our marriage. Satan is still tempting my husband, but as my faith grows, my husband turns to me, and away from his temptation. I see the Holy Spirit working things I never believed possible in our marriage and life, that wouldn't have happened without out this situation. Use this terrible time to allow God to work deeply within you and your husband, and your marriage. Allow yourself to grow close to Him, and you will see His amazing love for you and your husband. The Daily Prayer speaks directly to Satan and all his emissaries to remove them from your "domain", which of course, includes your marriage. I know your life will change, as God "breaks open the sky" when he hears you cry out to Him. Just trust Him. I will be praying for you, Chelsea. You can email me if you want: lauriebowhay1@hotmail.com
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