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Bible Questions and Spiritual Discussion
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Split post #1 Lost and confused
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Just as the tile says. Our church has members marriages dissolving left and right. Only time the Biblio is spoken is Sunday. Small groups study and any kind of pastor help requests get pointed to some book by insert Christian author A couple Scriptures get passed around if you speak to a pastor, but in the end some stupid book is in your hands. They all say the same thing, do this, do that to become a better Christian speak this love language, dont press this/that button, blah blah blah.
But as I understand my Bible, it cannot happen. Period. We are too sinful. We are perfected in God by God, not Christian books.
The Church has a psychologist on staff (?) I feel the leaders are passing the buck, and trying to become more "seeker-friendly" The main focus seems to be the youth. Great. But what about the old(er) people-like me 35 and up. Youth need to be hit for sure, but what about the now? Church has 1500 members but only 1 mens bible study (???), and 0 (zero) womens study ((!?!?!?!) Friends wife jsut walked out after 10 years marriage, and they put 3 books in his hands for him to read. Hello !! Bible? Prayer maybe? I could go on and on. Maybe im going too deep. Perhaps Im wrong and they are right. Can someone shed some light? I just dont have anymore left in me.
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richard cochran 12/06/2012 21:38 |
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richard cochran
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12/06/2012 21:39 |
Apparently <> is an illegal maneuver in the forums. Hence all my problems
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Ted C
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12/08/2012 00:43 |
Richard, there's a lot of practical wisdom in the books it sounds like you're referring to, "The Five Love Languages" and "The DNA Of Relationships". That second book I've bought for five or six couples my wife and I know. I agree that it can be frustrating when the focus of a local church body doesn't line up with the passion God has put in your heart and doesn't seem to be meeting real needs in the congregation. At my own church, it seems like I only hear sermons on the death and ressurection of Christ a handful of times per year. I wish it was much more often. And I would love a much stronger emphasis on both evangelism and on applying fundamental biblical faith to current issues in science and culture. That being said my wife and I have prayed through the matter and feel we are called to our church for the time being. And I'm ready to give as much grace to the church leadership for any perceived wrong-doings as I hope my fellow believers are willing to extend to me for my own quirks and imperfections. The real question is: What seems good to you and the Holy Spirit? Are you called to stay within the church and work constructively to see the Bride of Christ washed with the Word where she cannot see her own shortcomings? Or do you feel like the Holy Spirit is freeing you to move on to another fellowship? I would highly recommend to regularly attend some church no matter what happens as Scripture enjoins us to, "not forsake assembling together." (Hebrews 10:25). Do you have another family member who feels they need to stay at the church, and your faith is strong enough to continue going for their sake? That's part of the dynamic in our household and I have peace with that. Whatever the case I would urge you to guard against taking offense over a seeming inability of the church to counsel and aid your friends who are going through separation. Matthew 18:15 says if anyone sins against you to go to them first in private to show them their fault and try to turn them from it. And Galatians 6:1,2 says if anyone is caught in a sin us who are spiritual should try to restore them in a spirit of gentleness, looking to ourselves lest we be tempted too. When Jesus said, "judge not," during the Sermon on the Mount, the Greek word He used means "to condemn". Yes we are called to inspect fruit, and not to condemn but to commit to God. And if ultimately you feel like you need to move yourself and your family for the good of your spiritual walk, make sure the family is in unity, pray for that, and do what ultimately needs to be done. Just remember the fellowship you leave, no matter the warts and blemishes, probably has a good many people who belong to the Lamb, and it too is part of the Bride of Christ. I'm always careful how I treat and act towards another Man's wife! God bless and peace over you as you wrestle through these things.
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brening
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01/16/2013 12:43 |
When a marriage is in decline… giving a person a book to read seems to be the easy way out. Reading a book may be the last thing someone needs…
Shepherding… modeling… accountability partners… real mentoring… prayer partners… marriage retreats… being an honest friend and transparent with one another… teaching about forgiveness… making time for one another.
PLEASE notice that all of the above include real people… with warts and all learning from real people. THIS IS WORK!! I’ve often seen the church pass the responsibility to a “professional” counselor as well. We all need to be demonstrating what love in a marriage looks like… NOT ask a person to read about it. Many relationships need proper communication… this is the MAIN ingredient. When we stop talking and communicating our passion for one another… our love and dedication has a tendency to dwindle into our busy schedules, and before you know it... something or someone else has taken this trusted sacred place.
Think about it… the same church that has a huge divorce rate many times is a church that chooses not to communicate well with one another. Read about it… give them another book…instead. See the reoccurring problem? Yes, we have to care enough to communicate with each other. What if Nathan never spoke to David? What if Joseph never spoke openly to his brothers? Again... THIS TAKES WORK! Work that most pastors don’t want to do…
Christianity and marriages often times can get messy. We need not be afraid of getting dirty, whether it is with digging in our own relationships or with helping others. (It’s not only the pastor’s job though) Solutions are better discovered by experience than with hopeful reading. Think about this… how do we love one another only by reading about it? You’ve got to exercise this knowledge…
So my solution is not with the failing marriages… it’s with those of us in wonderful marriages… we all need to learn to demonstrate what makes a great marriage… and not by writing another book for them to read… but by living it out… side by side those who are struggling… love them back to understanding what God has for them.
Please…
Communicate… Tell her/him how much you love them… often!!
In His Love… All 4 Him
brening
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