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Bible Questions and Spiritual Discussion
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Is Divorce and option for emotional abuse?
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Please give opinions and insight. I am looking for answers.
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praze10 12/27/2013 07:28 |
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Catholica
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12/27/2013 09:40 |
Hi praze10,
This is my understanding, and what my Catholic faith instructs me.
First of all, anyone who is being emotionally abused is in a very difficult and horrible situation, and if that is you or someone you love, know that Jesus is very close to you through this and loves you. Only His love and grace can sustain people through any marriage, much less one where there is emotional abuse.
It is important to first acknowledge that God hates divorce. But He also hates emotional abuse. So it is important to be very careful when dealing with this issue.
Once God marries two people, he makes them one flesh, and says "let no man part them". This means, in effect, that no matter what civil documents have been drawn up, two people who are married in God's eyes are always married. However when there is abuse, it would be evil to insist that one person endure emotional abuse for the sake of making that marriage appear to be a happy marriage or a normal marriage. It is altogether for a person who is emotionally abused to seek to civilly divorce. God doesn't require people to continue to endure this abuse.
So while in effect in God's eyes you are still married, civilly you can separate. This life means that the two people would not, in God's eyes, be able to "marry another". That, as Jesus said, would be adultery in God's eyes. If a marriage was truly made before God, then God does not unmake that marriage, nor can ending a contract made by men. Therefore one alternative is to pursue a civil divorce and live as a single person, for the rest of your life or until the spouse dies. Even then God says it is better to remain single.
The other alternative is to seek an annulment. The annulment looks at the way the marriage was entered and looks for any defects. Was one person coerced? Was there a defect in vows? There are many issues which can lead to a defective marriage covenant. In that case the marriage was not made in the first place before God (due to some defect). Therefore a person once receiving an annulment and a civil divorce would be free to marry for the first time. I know that the Catholic church will look at marriages to see if they were validly entered, and they will do so even for unions of non-Catholic baptized persons as well.
The final case which may or may not apply is called the "Pauline privilege" which, in the case where the believer marries an unbeliever, and the unbeliever desires to separate, then the believer is not bound to that marriage covenant. Google "Pauline Privilege" if you think that applies to the person being abused in this case.
I know this is a hard teaching. My hope is that this helps people. I know we want to do what God wants in these situations or else we wouldn't be asking questions. To the best of my ability and knowledge, this is the truth about Christian marriages. I can provide Bible passages and interpretation if that would be helpful for you as well. Just let me know.
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Ted C
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12/28/2013 00:35 |
I agree with Andre above. I would also include Matthew 5:31-32, "It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
The true thing, though, is that any time divorce occurs, one or both partners - and definitely the filing one - are hard of heart (Mark 10:2-9). In the Old Testament there's an entire book, Hosea, devoted to the theme of a man marrying a woman who constantly committed adultery, and he not only stayed married, he paid to buy her back. The Lord has done that by the blood of Jesus for His people when they go astray. The book is a prophecy against God's people turning away from Him, and though He buys them back, they also pay a terrible price for the natural consequences their unfaithfulness.
I think Andre is right on. I wouldn't divorce. I would separate and insist on professional counseling to deal with the abuse as a precursor to coming back together. I would also immediately seek discreet counsel from the leader of a local chruch. They walk through a lot of situations like this with people. And I'd take some time to read a couple of books - The DNA Of Relationships by Gary Smalley and Real Marriage by Mark Driscoll. There's a lot of practical wisdom in both of them.
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Ted C
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12/28/2013 01:42 |
This is actually Ted's wife. He told me about your situation and what he wrote and I had to jump on and say something. I can't answer your question of divorce being an option. I don't know enough about you, your circumstances, what you are going through and have already been through. But my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be where you are and to have come through so much, and be in a place where you have to ask that question. I can say that God loves you, and He will continue to love you no matter what you choose to do. I am reminded of a story I heard a long time ago. A man was in his house in a flood. The water kept rising and he kept praying for God to save him. He sent away a row boat, a motor boat, and a helicopter, saying God would save him. After he drowned and went to heaven he asked God why He didn't save him. God answered "I send you a row boat, a motor boat, and a helicopter, what more do you want?" I don't know what your flood is, I don't know what row boats/motor boats/helicopters God is sending you, but He loves you, and will continue to do so whatever you decide to do. Sometimes we get so caught up in "is this theologically sound?" that we forget "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God", that is why He sent His Son to die for us, knowing we would do wrong, He went so we could be forgiven. Maybe you need to ask a new question. Instead of asking if divorce is an option maybe you need to start asking "Now what?"
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