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Bible Questions and Spiritual Discussion
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Hurt by the Church, How do you heal?
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I'm sure there are a lot of us who have been hurt by churches or Christian organisations either individuals within them or the church/organisation as a whole.
I don't want to start a slagging match of "my church did this to me" I would like to ask for advise and direction in how you go about forgiving those who have hurt you (especially when they don't know they have) and moving on from that hurt to rebuild a healthy relationship and attendance in a church congregation.
Because of my experiences of being hurt by the church I am angry at God and at churches in general. I cant stand to sit through an entire service because all I can hear and see is the hypocrisy in the sermon and the behaviour of its members (I have tried several different kinds of churches). But I am desperate to get back to God and rebuild my relationship with Him. I know not to confuse "Church" with "God" and that sometimes the church fails because we are only human, I understand that but cant help being angry at God because I cant understand how Pastors and Leaders who work for God and that I trusted could hurt and betray me so badly if they love God as much as they profess to.
If you would like to know my experience:
I worked voluntarily for a Christian charity and was involved in several ministries in my church where my skills could best be used (crèche, sound and AV, set up, admin and organisational work). My willingness to help was exploited and more and more pressure was put on me to do more for the church until I became exhausted and jaded.
All the teaching that came from the Pastors of my old church was of evangelism and outreach not discipleship and deepening your personal relationship with God. I'm sick of being told I'm not a good enough Christian if I'm not involved in every ministry going and giving every spare bit of time and money to the church. What happened to just loving people and being able to share Gods love quietly and discreetly by the way you live instead of standing with a loud hailer in the street.
I have been badly hurt and betrayed several times in the last 5 years by a Christian organisation, my church and by individuals who work for the church. And I have just about had enough. We are the children of God, we are supposed to love and look out for one an other. Aren't we?
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Louise Wyllie 09/27/2012 15:55 |
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Ray
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09/27/2012 20:03 |
Tough story, I'm sorry you got hurt/used, Louise. I'll pray you find your freedom from the wounds you have received.
First things first, why did you let yourself get in that position? Was it guilt? There is no guilt with Jesus. If there is guilt, Jesus isn't there, church or no church. There is no fear with him. God is love, Jesus is the ultimate expression of that love, and the holy spirit is what leads us in our expression of that love. If the primary spirit of what is going on around you is not love, then it is not of the lord and you are free to move on a find love, give love, be God's expression of love.
I quote Kelley here as she wrote to Scott something we all need to live by, what you need to do first. Substitute your name for Scott:
"Scott, I would urge you to simply spend all the time you possibly can getting to know God and walking out an apprenticeship relationship with Jesus Christ. There is no short cut to understanding the mysteries of God, they are not known but lived. You will hear many arguments, and people who DO know Him can try to explain to you from their varied perspectives, but nothing will make sense short of knowing Him, intimately, increasingly, up and down, trial and glory, fullness and emptiness, a life enmeshed in His no matter what. Your heart has to know Him first before your mind can trust Him beyond your present understanding. Jesus, draw Scott close. Whisper Yourself to him, open his eyes to the wonder of mystery. Amen."
The things you DO for people needs to come from that inner place you find with the Holy Spirit, the son, the father. If it comes from anywhere else, it's the flesh. John 3:6
"Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit."
Seek first the kingdom and you will be amazed at this love.
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Ray
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09/28/2012 08:04 |
John Eldredge posts today from his book, "The Sacred Romance":
God speaks to Israel through the prophet Isaiah when she is surrounded by enemies and making every effort to appease them through diplomacy, gifts, treaties, and bribes, and says this to her:
"You went to Molech with olive oil
and increased your perfumes.
You sent your ambassadors far away;
you descended to the grave itself!
You were wearied by all your ways,
but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.'
You found renewal of your strength,
and so you did not faint" (Isa. 57:9-10).
God calls Israel to repent by admitting her weariness and fainting. Instead, she looks for ways to use her personal assets to redeem herself. Jesus spoke to the people about rest and thirst. The Pharisees demanded that they obey a constantly growing weight of religious laws and traditions, and chastised them for staggering under the load. They led people in the exact opposite direction from where their salvation lay-in admitting their weariness and fainting. As long as they hoped in their self-sufficiency, they would not call out to God and receive forgiveness, healing, and restoration.
So many of our contemporary churches operate on this same system of guilt. When our people are crying out for communion and rest, we ask them to teach another Sunday school class. When they falter under the load, we admonish them with Scriptures on serving others. One wonders what would happen if all activity motivated by this type of guilt were to cease for six months. Much of organized Christianity would collapse even as the Pharisees saw happen to their own religious system. As Jesus talked about thirst and rest, he brought people to the reality of their own heart. - The Sacred Romance
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Louise Wyllie
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09/28/2012 08:40 |
Thank you Ray for both your help and advise, I can see that guilt has a lot to do with my desire to serve as I feel I owe the church and God for my salvation. I can also see that I need to rest in God and maybe that means I opt out of serving for a while and let myself just be with God and know in myself that God's OK with that even if the church leadership isn't.
I think so much of my anger comes from the fact that the people within the charity and church knew me so well and still abused my willingness to help knowing I wouldn't say no. When my parents divorced my Dad didn't bother fighting for custody of us, He let my mum take me and my sister away. He's never showed much interest in us since then. I was a complete daddy's girl and couldn't understand why he didn't want us. I wondered what was wrong with me that I wasn't worth having around or being interested in. The people who told me Jesus loved me and wanted me and thought I was worth dying for and lead me to faith became friends and mentors and helped me recognise my need to be needed and wanted and be useful was a result of my dad leaving us and the hurt that caused. These were the same people who kept pushing me to take more on, I didn't realise how exhausted I was becoming because I trusted them to look out for me and thought they wouldn't ask me to serve more unless they thought it was right for me.
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