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Tell Us About Yourself and What the DAB Means To You
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Prior atheist and unbelieving spouse
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So now that my call played saying I would post this in the forum I better get typing. I was an atheist most of my life. People say "nobody is an atheist" but no really, I was and I was darn "proud" of it. I am very scientific, analytical so it just didn't make sense. I would argue with religious people saying when your die, your dead, buried, worm food and that's it! I disliked churches and stayed away from them whenever possible. At a young age I was at a Sunday service with friend and his family and started laughing out-loud hysterically when some old guy started singing "You killed Jesus Christ"... that was the last time I went to Church except in adulthood at some weddings. At one point in my life I owned a limousine business and hated going into a church so would often just "wait outside".(Now I know why/what kept me away from God and actually caused my friend in story above to commit suicide in high school and almost me too at age 12 but that's for another post.)
As an only child with "world revolves around me" attitude I spent most of young adulthood chasing girls and partying. But I still had a small piece of the holy spirit left in me to want to "help others", usually it was a really messed up girlfriend. I liked being the hero that would come in and "save" the day. Luckily one of those I was trying to help (and almost married) was in a 12-step program. I wanted to understand her struggles so I went but soon found I had my own 12-step issues and over 13 years ago started going to CoDA. These programs require a concept of higher-power (which I liked because I didn't have to say God), but still took me years to overcome concept that THERE IS A GOD!
When my father died it started me on a Journey. I started to question "what did I miss about him?". It wasn't the flesh, the cells that make up his body that I saw sitting in his coffin I had no love for that...but something else,it was his essence (soul) I missed. 9/11 changed my priorities in life and newly married I started focusing less on me but more on my family and country although still living strongly in this materialistic world. I decided to join military and serve my country. Upon return from deployments I struggled (until being removed by prayer just a few months ago) with survivors guilt .... basically why did I get to come home to my family when so many haven't? I went to funeral at a church (the one I now attend) nearby for a fellow soldier, it was very interesting I thought this was classy I could see myself having a funeral like this (my wife and I both unbelievers at this point). As a soldier I was an hard-core studier of the Koran, not because I have any problem with Muslims (I will take a righteous Muslim over a hypocrite Christian any day) but the countries we are dealing with militarily are mostly Muslim. Surprisingly there were many (hundreds) references to biblical figures in the Koran, so I figured I better read the Bible to "better understand the Koran". I decided to go back to the church where the funeral service was. I tell people now the Koran led me to Jesus (who by the way is the 2nd most important "prophet" to Muslims).
It was big church with a modern music Worship leader and recently I had started to listen to Christian rock music...can you say guided by the Holy Spirit? This was kind of cool I thought, like a mini concert before the service and they had an espresso machine! Every one was incredibly nice, at first I thought "man you are way to happy" so must be fake. Now I feel that happiness every day! But I still wasn't buying the Jesus being the son of God thing. The old testament was painful to read (thank you DAB for giving me a bearable format).. many people said read the New Testament first so eventually I gave in and jumped to that. I liked this Jesus guy.... but reading enough Old Testament thought no wonder the Jews killed him he was basically saying you don't need to go to church/synagogue you can talk to God yourself directly in your own room(Matthew 6).... this Jesus I was reading about was a rebel... I kind of liked it. After going to Church a few times my wife (you have to realize we had spent years in bed late at night making fun of "religious people" and many times laughing saying "man we are going to Hell" or "I'll save a spot for you") asked me "why do you keep going back to Church?". My reply was "Well, I don't know but I feel great for the entire day after I leave on Sunday so I am going to keep going back". I started listening to Air1.com a modern Christian rock free station. The songs were motivating and uplifting. My wife would change the station but when I was on my own it was a refuge from this materialistic world.
But I still needed physical proof... one Sunday the pastor is talking about forgiveness. That is one thing I NEVER understood about Christians.. how do you forgive someone that has wronged you? I want revenge! He asks us to write down the name of someone we are holding resentment towards. There is a guy over 15 years ago I cosigned a loan for who stopped paying and then they came after me for the money. About 10 years ago I forgot his name, during several moves I have even tried to find his name/paperwork so I could "get my money back" but no luck. I have had a literal decade long mental block with his name...but bring up the issue of loan cosigning and you will here me shout "NEVER cosign a loan, just give them the money!". The pastor lays out an argument in the sermon that the only person you are hurting by not forgiving someone is yourself... hmmm that actually make sense. So since I can't remember the guys name I put my father's name down. I work through the process, say the prayers and wow.... I actually forgive my father (I was upset he chose to drink/smoke himself to an early death) because it is his life and he chose to live it as he saw fit. On the way out the pastor says tear off the name and place on the stage as kind of a symbol that you are letting this resentment go. On my way out of the church I say "God, I wish I could remember that guy's name"....... with my hand on the door it comes: "EARL DAVIS... that is the guy's name!" On the way home I do the same process I just learned in church and I FORGIVE HIM TOO! (by the way I am getting goosebumps just typing this) Earl was doing what he felt was right to move his family into a better place and I have to forgive him. A few weeks later I give my life to Christ... sometimes at end of service the pastor asks people to raise their hand if they want to give their life to Christ and come up and pray after the service. When I felt my hand go up I think I turned around to see who had pulled my hand up but there was nobody in seat behind me.
I wanted to write about my relationship with my unbelieving spouse and children but post is getting long. I do want to say the 1 year journey so far has not been all roses. Even after diving into the bible and the DAB (I listened to 220 podcast in a six-week period) I still had struggles mentally. Then a few weeks ago I had an "Event" where I learned about the power of praying OUTLOUD. It is on a topic that usually is struggle for men but if you (men or women) email me at slaveofjesus923@gmail.com and ask for the Event story will be glad to send it... a little graphic but not too much. The day after the Event the Holy Spirit helped me save someone on the freewayso I will probably post that someday too.
Thank you DAB family for you support and prayers (OUTLOUD).
Bart in NC
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slaveofjesus923 10/04/2012 06:09 |
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Catholica
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10/04/2012 06:17 |
Great story, Bart! Praise God!
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GodB4Me
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10/04/2012 13:06 |
I agree with Andre great story, powerful, welcome to our family here, you have found your home here..... Hallelujah!!!!! Can't wait to read more..
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Daniela Dong
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10/05/2012 04:54 |
Great story and powerful tesimony! Keep posting~
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Sharon Thomas
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11/28/2012 08:15 |
Wow. Very powerful story.
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